sugar mama

sunday afternoon at the pond

2008-05-28T20:58:00.006-05:00

Last Sunday we met the fam at beautiful, historic Main St. Unionville and took Sara for a walk at Toogood pond. While we waited for Grandma and Grandpa to arrive Sara did one of her new favourite things - cruising around her umbrella stroller, playing with the straps and telling little stories ("sha sha sha...")
She really enjoyed the sunshine, water, ducks, geese, and of course the people. She attracts admirers wherever we go, and it fills me with pride and happiness that others think she's as adorable as we do! This is also quite possibly the cutest toddler outfit ever... I picked up the sundress at H&M, and her squeaky shoes are just too much.

We also took her for her first patio lunch of the season, and she hammed it up playing peekaboo at the table. I can't wait for more summer days outdoors!

And... the other day she learned a new skill. Are you ready for it? She gives kisses. When we hold her and say "kiss?", she leans in and gives the softest, sweetest, yummiest 'mw-ah' on our lips. Love, love.

mother's day

2008-05-11T18:55:00.004-05:00

This weekend was full, full... not of errands and chores, but happy moments, smiles, and cuddles. First I got my hair cut (a lot)... and look, it's straight!

Then I picked up this vintage sewing box at a garage sale for $4 , which is now a lovely new home for......organizing all of my paints!
We've been working hard on setting up our deck for the summer, and we got this Muskoka chair in my perfect shade of green last week. On Saturday I potted some geraniums and some fresh herbs (basil = gobs of fresh pesto. Yum.) I love how this little reading spot came together and while Sara was out with Ian I got in a few pages of this book. It's such a good, inspirational read for anyone who appreciates and loves good food.
And for Mother's Day we had brunch out at one of my favourite local spots, followed by lots of cuddles and playtime while Sara pushed her dump truck around! Sara was tired and/or teething again by the end of the day, so after everyone went home we had quiet time and I've just tucked her into bed.
The perfect Mother's Day weekend with our little family. Tonight I will go to sleep feeling happy, fulfilled and truly blessed.

a swingin' time

2008-04-29T19:30:00.002-05:00

This past weekend was full of smiles as Sara and I had mommy-daughter weekend. It was the first weekend since going back to work that we didn't have a lot going on, and for the first stretch of time I felt like we were really "us" again.

We lazed about on Saturday morning in our bed for cuddles and some playtime. I love this time. It reminds me of when mornings were not rushed, and I get to see her smiling face when she first wakes up and babbles away until I come into her room. We went to the park, did some shopping for some summer jammies and shorts, and enjoyed not one but two BBQs across the street. Sara had her first outdoor dinner of the season, and had fun walking around the grass after her big red ball while I held her hands. Teaching a toddler to walk makes for a very sore back, but it's amazing!

I was only late with the post, not the party...

2008-04-21T19:14:00.007-05:00

Honestly, these days I can hardly believe how organized you have to be as a working mom. Those who know me well can attest to the fact that I am an organized person - and I pride myself on it - but in the past few weeks I have joined the ranks of women who, despite all the best intentions, find themselves scatterbrained, terrible with answering friends' emails or calls, trying to figure out when exactly we're supposed to DO everything, and desperately seeking her memory. I can only hope that if push comes to shove I am genetically programmed to remember something I need to for Sara, not where I put that folder on my office desk.

Finally, some pictures from her birthday party on April 12. She was a little shy at first with so many people in the house, but then she relaxed and had a great time. She didn't even fuss at the paparazzi cupcake on the highchair tray moment, she even laughed and clapped her hands while we all sang happy birthday!
Not sure about the cupcake at first, but she ate some! Vanilla (after we successfully introduced whole eggs earlier that week), with homemade buttercream frosting that I dyed pink with pureed raspberries.

The few seconds before she pulled her party hat off!Quite a haul...
The next day, trying out her new phone to make some calls!This past weekend we bought her first pair of real shoes. We took her to a well known neighbourhood childrens' shoe store, and she looks like such a big girl in them! So adorable. If she wasn't going to grow out of them in 3 months, and they didn't recommend just one pair of shoes for consistency while she learns to walk, I would have bought lots!

We've also hit some more milestones - she finally started holding her own bottle a couple of weeks ago!! And just last week, she held and drank from her sippy cup! Hoorah! Selfishly, I was thrilled that she did the sippy cup with me, after months of hard work. I was so proud of her. And it was with MILK, no less! We've almost totally transitioned to whole milk from her formula. (as an aside, I'm not going to get into how I feel about last week's federal government ban of plastic baby bottle news just yet - that's for another post if I get around to it.)

She has also started dancing when she plays music on her LeapFrog table. It's awesome. She holds the table with one hand, and wiggles her bum from side to side with the music. Tonight she did it during the Backyardigans while standing against our ottoman... she loves the song they always sing at the end. I have videotaped it, and maybe one day if I actually have time to upload video I will!

happy 1st birthday!

2008-04-08T08:13:00.002-05:00

At exactly this time one year ago today, 8:05am on April 8 2007, Sara came into the world!

As I sit here quietly with my coffee I can hardly believe that one year ago right now I was in a hospital bed with an overwhelming blur of Ian, nurses, a special care team and an obstetrician who was actually up on the bed with me - I remember it so clearly even now. My labour was long, long, long, and sadly after a mere few hours of epidural bliss dozing, the epidural was turned off one hour into pushing because it wasn't going well. I thought, huh? What do you mean I'm not pushing? I know I can't feel anything, but....

Fast forward to two hours later. I was still pushing every few minutes, and the epidural's effects were long gone... so much for the "birth plan" you fill out! I was also hooked up to an IV because I had spiked a fever earlier. Pink Floyd and Van Morrison were alternating in our CD player and I had to laugh at the irony of "Comfortably Numb". I remember so clearly the intense pressure of each push, and they had started to use a vaccuum to help move things along. I'll tell you, as a girl growing up, you never quite imagine that one day you'll have a suction vaccuum stuck inside you. When no one would give in to my whimpering pleas for more epidural, I started crying and yelling "I can't do this anymore! I can't do it!" And in that moment suddenly there was a whoosh and release of pressure as her head came out (which I didn't even comprehend at that moment), people were shouting at me to do one more big push, and then.... I saw a wriggling, purply-faced, crying Sara held up in the air. And there it was. The most happy, incredulous, emotional moment of my entire life. She had to be looked after by the special care team before I could hold her because there had been muconium in the waters. I held my breath and tried to see what was happening, but Ian assured me she was ok. Soon she was wrapped up and brought over to me with her little hospital hat on, and I just cried as I met my little girl in person for the first time.

What an amazing year we have had together, and we're only just starting out. Look at you now - learning to walk, becoming more independent, communicating, and full of smiles and giggles!

I love you more than anything on earth, little one - Happy 1st birthday. I can't wait to get home for cuddles.

patio dreaming

2008-04-04T11:51:00.003-05:00

It's Friday, which means that I have made it through the back-to-work transition week! We are doing well. The first couple of days were rocky and emotional, but I'm chugging along. Sara is so far restraining herself from mocking what is currently a pretty disorganized evening routine while we acclimatize ourselves! I am tired though, and looking so forward to a warm-ish and sunny weekend of family time! We're taking our girl to the park tomorrow, I've told her she'll finally get to go on the swings again. She didn't understand, but trust me little one, you will be loving it!

I admit this is cheating (like I said, I'm tired) but since I have no pictures to upload this week, check out this Patio-oh post by one of my favourite bloggers, Anna Maria Horner. If you are looking for fresh colour, outdoor yumminess and a big hit of SPRING for your home, this is arguably the best example I've seen. I wish this was my patio... although this is the year I'm determined we're ripping down the ugly pergola that seems to take on more of a slant every summer. She has so many good ideas for outdoor family living. I'm saving my pennies for some of her new Drawing Room fabric in the sketchbook design. The art supply table makes me yearn to sit outside with my sketchbook and some paints and canvases... and daydream of when Sara and I will craft and make art outside together!!

bittersweet

2008-03-30T13:56:00.004-05:00

It's my last day of maternity leave, and here I am doing many of the same things that I did on this day last year when I was one day past my official due date.... flitting about the house anxiously tidying things, feeling nervous about the impending and inevitable big life change around the corner, and finding myself swinging on an emotional pendulum. Oh yes, and nursing a sprained wrist, which has totally sucked and means I haven't been able to pick up Sara in over a week. This is the first day that being on the computer doesn't really hurt!

I've spent a lot of time reflecting on the past year over this week, how much Sara and I have both grown and changed... remembering my favourite moments, from a certain walk to the park to the many milestones... and yes, shedding quite a few tears at how fast it's all gone. Some recent photos:

Hamming it up at Easter dinner...
When it's wet, Sara's hair is curly like Mommy's!
She colour coordinated her toys with her outfit, all by herself. Adorable.
Standing at every opportunity and starting to cruise!
Instead of delving into the complexity of how I'm feeling, because in true Christine style I have over-analyzed it to death already, I will simply say to my girl:

This year has been the most incredible, life-changing journey of my life. I have loved every single moment with you, even in the hard learning curve of motherhood, and we have made quite a team together! I don't know how I will adjust to not having you by my side everyday, but I do know that I will think of you constantly, miss you fiercely, and will look so forward to coming home to your big smile and Sara hugs every evening. Please save some more of your firsts for when I am home, if you can wait! And while I am so proud of all the things you can do already, please, please, don't grow up too fast.

Love, Mommy
xoxo

a rollercoaster, baby baby....

2008-03-15T12:47:00.005-05:00

Have you ever heard a baby with laryngitis? It is so, so, sad to hear your baby snuffle and cough with her first bad cold, rubbing her face furiously, and then look at you while crying hoarsely. This has been our week. We even, for the first time ever, had to have Sara sleep in our bed with us on Wednesday night. She let us know in no uncertain terms by standing up screaming in her crib that she could not, would not, sleep on her own! She lay on Ian's chest first, nose running all over him, snoring. Cute if it wasn't 2am! Last night was a repeat. I sat upright propped on pillows while Sara leaned into my chest looking for a comfortable way to breathe. Finally I could slink down and we all got a few magical hours of sleep. I feel so sad for her, and hope she is healthy again soon.... even so we can just get some good sleep!

This past 6 weeks or so has been one stressful thing after another, some of which I can't talk about here. Let's say that it's more than just the snow and I've had to call into question my belief that 'everything happens for a reason'. I'm happy to report that I still believe it for the most part. Sometimes it's good to shake things up because after you get over the initial freak out, change can be a great thing in the long run - even necessary. And the events that are the most difficult to reconcile, like the passing of a friend, can ironically strengthen the friendships between those who are still here.

Dealing with stuff has put off dealing with a really big, impending change for me... and now I'm feeling the anxiety flood in. In two fleeting weeks, I am... Going. Back. To. Work.

I'm feeling the guilt, anxiety and sadness about my maternity leave ending, as well as a confidence crisis about returning to my job. For the past year, my job has been to be a Mommy and nothing else, and Sara is a huge part of every single part of my being. I envision not being here for the bulk of her days, and missing out on 'firsts', and it feels like someone has chopped off a limb. As I've said before, I cannot believe that she is almost 1 already and soon won't be a baby anymore.

It seems that one of the great ironies of motherhood is that when you crave a break and some time to yourself, after you feel happy for a while, you feel the tug and can't wait to get back to your child. Like this week, I went to see Juno by myself and it was great (even though I felt mildly nauseous after eating nothing that day but a bag of Reese Bites and big fountain Coke), although of course I cried big sniffly tears during the mommy moments of the movie. A family trip to Ikea turned into a solo trip for me after our sleepless night, and my purchases were for Sara's birthday party and her room!

So I've been trying to think of the positive. You see, there are good things about going back to work... it's just that I feel guilty for getting excited about them! Such as, I have a cool job with really great co-workers, and I look forward to taking on new challenges. I can have an uninterrupted hour to myself at lunch. There's good food and shopping near my office. I like getting dressed nicely in the morning and then dressing down after work. It will be nice that dressing down in the evening isn't going from track pants to actual pajama pants! I will have a new workspace. Oh, and yes, the paycheque will be fabulous.

There are things to look forward to, and I know we will both adjust. I feel so much better that Sara will have extra bonding time with her Daddy for a least a little while. This makes me incredibly happy. So can we just see a little SPRING already, both literally and figuratively? If we can just get over the sickness, I do feel flutters of excitement for all the GOOD changes and events coming this year. And for the next couple of weeks, I will soak up all the family time that I can!

standing tall

2008-03-11T09:46:00.001-05:00

Ever since Sara started pulling herself up to stand, she has been practicing her new skill everywhere! We have finally finished babyproofing, but honestly, I think my heart momentarily stops several times a day as she teeters, reaches, balances on moveable objects, and yes, tumbles down. It's impossible to avoid tumbles - I know this - but when instead of landing on her diaper-padded bum she bumps her head or scares herself and starts to cry, she's not the only one with a lump in her throat!

Speaking of a lump in the throat... this weekend was, well, interesting. Ian was up north at a cottage, and on top of watching the relentless snow fall on Saturday, Sara got sick. In the morning she wouldn't eat except for her bottle, and just lay against my chest on the couch with her soother. By afternoon, she spiked a fever of 39.2. She felt so hot and was crying inconsolably, and despite trying to think rationally, I started to panic. She's never had anything like that before and from what I had read online during her last fever, we had well passed the point of home treatment (I now know - don't look up medical advice online. Just don't.) I called Telehealth who told me I wouldn't get a call back for 20 minutes, and then I remembered our Dr.'s after hours service. They also said that I would have to wait. So I gave her Tempra, which was difficult because she didn't want anything coming near her face, and I decided to try putting her in a bath. Bad move... She started shaking when I put her in the water so I pulled her out.

By this point I was in full panic and crying myself, thinking that even if I had to take her somewhere, how the f*$k would I get there in the giant storm?? I even briefly debated calling 911. I know tons of people would find this ridiculous, but so what ... newish moms with a sick baby don't exactly think clearly! Thankfully my awesome sis and brother-in-law live across the street and they came over to help. I was an embarrassing mess but the Tempra started to work for Sara and they could sit with her while I talked to a nurse on the phone. I'm so, so, grateful that they stayed with us for the rest of the evening!!

Sara was eager to go to bed that evening. I didn't sleep well that night and gave her more Tempra every 4 hours, but by morning she was nice and cool. I hope she doesn't have any lasting memories of me shoving a thermometer up her bum about 100 times.

Yesterday and today she's been better but still not 100%. She's had some barely contained diapers (love you, Pampers) and she's been coughing a lot at night and in the morning. Her 'talking' is all hoarse and raspy. It's so sad to listen to, but at least she wants to play again! Even though this was nothing compared to what some parents deal with, there's nothing like caring for a sick child to remind you of how fierce and all-encompassing a mommy's love is!

The Schoolhouse's youngest student!

2008-03-07T15:45:00.003-05:00

This weekend's weather is likely going to confirm Sara's growing disbelief that there is any such thing as "outside", but, we did get out this morning to visit our friends at the Heritage Schoolhouse museum. It was our first visit since Denise passed away, and although it was emotional to walk in knowing she would not be there to greet us, we had a good visit. I'm very glad to have gone in once before our 'Celebrating Denise' lunch next week.

It was the first time that Sara explored the classroom and she was very interested in looking around at everything. She looked so cute sitting at one of the desks! She was probably the first child to stand on the seat and try climbing over without getting in trouble!

You can almost see her mind working here... "What do I want to touch, and how do I get Mommy to lean closer to it?!"

hints of spring

2008-03-03T14:04:00.003-05:00

Ok so I've been terrible at blogging lately, with good reason though... I hope to get back on track, at least until I go back to work! I really needed to see some signs of spring, and this morning I was thrilled to breathe semi-warm outdoor air... and see the sun streaming in on my new "baby"!
Sara seemed to enjoy a shot of colour too!
Sara is crawling speedily all over the house and pulling herself up... she started with going to her knees, and then when we were at M&D's house for dinner on Saturday she stood right up in her playpen! She evidently wanted to see what she was missing at the table! Today I just found her standing up her crib in tears, which I figured was coming! I'm not sure if she couldn't get down, or if she just knew she needed a new diaper.

I sit back and marvel at how she's growing and changing, and I just can't believe it sometimes. She has such a happy personality that comes out more everyday, and I'm so proud of her developments. Nothing makes me happier than watching her crawl with all her might across a room (or up my body) to get to her mommy for a big hug.... but I admit I am also having an increasingly hard time with the fact that my baby will soon be a toddler and we're planning her 1st birthday party already!

recuperating

2008-02-26T09:09:00.007-05:00

Wow, have we been sick around here. S-I-C-K. It started last Wednesday for me, and turned into four days of total aching, feverishness, weak muscles, sneezing, nose-blowing, coughing, congested headaching misery. Our family was together for Family Day and most of us came away from it with varying degrees of the same thing. Ian is in the midst of it right now. I may not have had to miss "work", but caring for a baby when it's all you can do to get off the couch is hard!
Fortunately Sara hasn't been too bad, but she's had her first fever and cold... poor thing. She's in much better spirits now, but last week we spent some quality couch time and I tossed aside all of my house rules to limit TV during the week. She's coughing now, but I had her checked out by our doctor yesterday and she's ok. She's up to some new tricks... like learning how to go from crawling to sitting up, so I keep finding her in her crib like this!
If we're in the living room, her toys don't stand a chance these days. After a few minutes she quickly crawls over to her book basket. She pulls every book out and looks at a few pages of each one. Too funny!

family day fun

2008-02-19T12:51:00.004-05:00

We celebrated the new Family Day holiday by having a brunch for Ian's mom at our place, and since we've been buried in never-ending snow I decorated the table in spring colours and tulips! It was a good day and Sara enjoyed showing everyone her crawling skills.

Sara liked Family Day so much that she didn't want it to end. In fact, she pretended to be teething and extremely upset so that she could sit with Mommy and Daddy in their bed until almost 12:30am reading Alligator Pie and Mother Goose rhymes... Even Tempra wasn't working, and at one point that her face looked so puffy from crying that I panicked and thought she was having an allergic reaction to something...so then I was teary, and she calmed down momentarily. Today all is well (but still no tooth!) and we went to our swim class this morning. We're just a bit sleepy!

be mine

2008-02-14T14:44:00.005-05:00

This is the cake I made for Valentine's Day...
Ok, that's a bold-faced lie. But doesn't it look scrumptious? It's Nigella's heart-shaped chocolate cake recipe from Feast. I did, however, buy these from a local grocer for dessert tonight ... yum! I was after something chocolatey with raspberries and these mini ganache cakes fit the bill... and who can resist strawberries in chocolate tuxedos!
We started the day by going to our second swim class this week, which was lots of fun, even though Sara's swim diaper leaked on her red pants in the car... there was nothing I could do but rinse and get into the pool, and she had to ride home in pee pants. But, moms always have a backup outfit, so after a quick change here she is dressed in version 2 her Valentine outfit from Grandma and Grandpa! Nana brought her some great new books and her first puzzle. She was also busy 'signing' homemade cards for her Daddy and grandparents. Her true Valentine though, from how she's lovingly engrossed in this picture, is her book collection.
Happy Valentine's Day to you and yours!

and she's off!

2008-02-11T09:50:00.000-05:00

Sara has successfully completed all of her New Year's resolutions (1. learn to crawl, 2. give lots of hugs, 3. say 'Da-da')... she's crawling!Coming to get Mommy and the camera...
Gimme!
She's been showing all kinds of independence over the past couple of weeks, and I'm amazed by how much she knows now that she can communicate more. She points at EVERYTHING, and knows so many more words than I realized! She points out Cheerios, bottles, the monkey on her highchair, the sheep painting in her room, cupboards, the table, the kitchen, Ernie's red nose and black hair, the cows in her Boynton books, the lobster, kayak and Niagara Falls in her ABC of Canada book.... and sometimes when we say "where's your head?" she puts both hands on her head and it's totally adorable!

In order to be a good role model, I guess I should be doing better with my *one* new year goal... a flat belly... sigh!

sadness

2008-02-04T13:53:00.000-05:00

On Saturday, I received one of the biggest shocks of my life. My friend and former colleague, Denise, passed away suddenly. Over the past few days during long conversations with mutual friends, and the few moments that I've allowed myself to be alone, there have been many tears and even some laughter in remembering her... and trying to let it sink in that this is actually real. I thought maybe writing a bit about her may help.

Denise was a loving, funny, genuinely caring person who was a great friend and motherly figure in the lives of the close-knit staff of the Heritage Schoolhouse. We depended on her for so much, and not just professionally. Over the 8 years of our friendship, she shared in us getting married and having children. Even though we were part of a large school board, we worked in our own small building, just 4 of us. We were like a little family, and shared every morning coffee and lunch together. No one could tell a story like Denise, and I still laugh at her patented expressions and the many colourful characters we learned so much about over the years. She also had an incredible memory, and always asked after our own families and friends. During the past three years I saw her less often since we didn't work together daily anymore, but that's one of the many unique things about the Schoolhouse... we were all still close, and I looked so forward to our get-togethers. It was like no time had passed.

Denise also gave me some of the best advice about raising Sara after she was born. She loved reading this blog and seeing new pictures, and loved a "little cuddle" with her on our visits. She had three daughters of her own, and I can only dream of having as close a relationship with Sara as she had with her children. She was their mother and their best friend.

The thing about having children is that when horrible things happen in life, they still need to be fed, changed, and played with. Last night before putting Sara to bed we rocked in our chair together. She was curled up to one side so that we were facing each other with our heads resting on the back of the chair. I sang to her while she alternately grabbed my nose and hugged me, and I cherished every moment of our "little cuddle."

Ian was away most of the weekend, and won a Super Bowl bet that was made months ago with the intention of going to Las Vegas. This morning he was SO excited, and at first I was adamant that we need the winnings and can't just spend them on a vacation. Unable to deal with an argument, I went to take a shower... and broke down. I could almost hear Denise telling me to shut up, go to Vegas, and have fun! It's funny how events like this can put life in perspective in short order.

The next few days of the visitation and funeral will be extremely difficult, and I know for sure that it will be a full house. I haven't come up with anything remotely suitable to say to her family. At least a group of us are doing everything together, as heartbreaking as it will be to say goodbye to our friend.

I will miss you always.

xoxo

room to grow

2008-01-25T13:30:00.000-05:00

Like most things in our life and our house, we've gone through quite an evolution since Sara was born. Her room is starting to reflect it too. I've rearranged the closet and her dresser a number of times as clothes come in and out, or to find the perfect homes for socks and other things that I need to grab without looking, like wipes.

Special gifts and handmade items are also finding their perfect spots. I made these paint and fabric canvases recently, and I'm so happy with how they've turned out. The Bert and Ernie needlepoint was a Christmas gift from Grandma... she made it over 30 years ago for the boys!

On her dresser is a collage I made while I was pregnant... a stuffed elephant from S&C's trip to Thailand... a Tiffany (!!) piggy bank from Aunt H.'s dad, and a framed photo of our first trip to a beach this past summer... Special keepsakes for a special girl! And, some nighttime necessities like her pacifier plus a backup, as well as our awesome version of a nightlight: a one-touch closet light that we dimmed with a washcloth draped over it.

bookworm

2008-01-21T13:57:00.000-05:00

If I haven't mentioned it before, Sara loves to read. Seriously, I mean she REALLY loves her books.She even reads in the tub to relax after a busy day...
She loves turning pages, and every night after dinner I pull out three books for her to choose which one we read first. The other two stay close by so that she knows she'll get to see them as well. We cuddle on the couch, and often she wraps one of her little arms around mine (leaving one free for page-turning, on course!) Among her favourites are the Wombat series ("Sometimes I Like to Curl Up in a Ball", "Swim, Little Wombat, Swim!"), Boynton's "Opposites", "Picture This", and "The Hungry Caterpillar". She also mastered the various tactile activities in "Pat the Bunny" in short order.

I love that she adores her books. Not only does it make me feel better about the times she's exposed to TV, but I look forward to years of us reading stories and going on imaginary adventures together!

getting around

2008-01-18T09:10:00.000-05:00

I've spent most of the week fighting off a winter cold/sore throat, and catching as much time on the couch as possible to rest up. Staying home when I'm sick used to mean hiding under a blanket in my PJs, watching hours of daytime tv or Gilmore Girls DVDs, emerging only for another hit of Tylenol, food, or tea. This routine is somewhat more difficult with a 9 1/2 months old scooting around! I also realized that although it hurt my throat to talk earlier this week, it was all but impossible to NOT talk to Sara. She's incredibly verbal and would not take well to one-sided conversations!

She is, however, great at hugs and so far that's the best medicine. I even relaxed my 'no TV while Sara's awake during the weekdays' rules to give us Oprah. Surprisingly this worked to our advantage with Sara's sippy cup. She has been holding the cup to her mouth but not tipping her head back to actually drink anything... until she wanted to look up at something on Oprah, that is. Her goal of watching TV got her to look up and tip her head enough to drink some water! So apparently TV is not ALL bad for babies.

At the beginning of the week I thought well, at least Sara is still stationary and she plays independently, so I can supervise from the couch when I'm feeling really lousy. But wouldn't you know, after weeks of only rocking and pushing backwards, she's discovered how much fun it is to slide herself all over our hardwood floors! She can really go and it's funny to watch, but requires constant supervision. She sometimes rolls over suddenly and bonks her head on the floor unless I slide my hand under it. Or, she inadvertenly scoots herself under the playpen or couches...
This morning she made a great breakthrough, one that I clapped and cheered for... as I've mentioned before, Sara is very cautious about trying new physical moves. She has great balance and is a pro at sitting, rolling, and pushing up... she just hasn't been able to transition herself from one to the other unless she flops over. Lately she's been really frustrated with herself, which is hard to watch. She leans tentatively on one hand and then sits up again with a fearful look on her face, sometimes crying out like a baby version of swearing. I try to help, slowly guiding her through the movements, which she sometimes appreciates. Other times she protests loudly and arches her back (a throwback to when she wasn't ready to sit up...)

Then today after breakfast, trying desperately to reach one of her plastic shapes, she did it... she gingerly leaned forward... put her weight on her hands... and pushed herself over her legs onto her tummy. It was almost like Tai-Chi the way she slowly figured it out. What an accomplishment!

We play upstairs on carpet too, but for downstairs I think I'm going to lay down a few more foam squares until she gets the hang of it all. She needs more space without risk of hitting her head on the hard floor. I'm also not sure how to clean our hardwood floors now that she moves around on them.... dry sweeping doesn't seem like enough, but I'm not sure I like the idea of her touching any residue from my usual Swiffer wet jet. Anyone have any tips? I haven't found any all natural floor cleaners by Method or Life Brand, though maybe Seventh Generation makes one? When I tried to remember that brand name I was calling it Seven for all Mankind... but while I'd love a pair of their jeans too, the only way they would be cleaning my floor is while sliding around on my ass to follow Sara!

p.s. I just don't have the energy to tell my retail story anymore... I'm getting over it, but maybe next week I'll recap.... for now, perhaps just think twice before ever shopping here.

finger foods!

2008-01-11T09:32:00.000-05:00

On Wednesday we had a milestone of a lunch... Sara started feeding herself!

I put some pieces of toast on her tray as I had been for a few days, and as she picked them up she started doing the cutest thing - she decided to feed ME! She held out pieces to me and said 'hmmm?' with an expression like 'try some, Mommy!' I opened my mouth and ate the toast, causing her to wave her arms and giggle like it was the greatest thing. Completely adorable. We played this little game for a few minutes, and then suddenly it happened - she put a piece in her own mouth! I clapped and cheered for her, so she did it again (after chewing and swallowing her first piece). She was on a roll. I added some bits of cottage cheese and started videotaping the occasion. Success!

Yesterday I had to make a dash to the grocery store for some finger foods, so next we'll move on to pieces of banana, mango, soft cooked veggies, etc....

I'm also seething about a customer service situation we're currently involved in with a baby store. It's somewhere we had never shopped before and I recently made a large online purchase from them. I'm reserving the story for when the situation has been resolved, but I promise it will be a full blown (and hopefully humorous) rant of a "please, please, as my friend or family member, do not EVER shop here" nature...

some new year firsts

2008-01-08T13:07:00.000-05:00

Phew - I've spent the past week recovering from the holidays and getting back into a routine, and consequently not much time online. Our first New Year's Eve with Sara was really nice. We joined our friends in the late afternoon, and after the girls played we enjoyed a yummy full-fat appetizer dinner.
Sara went to sleep perfectly in her playpen, which was awesome, allowing me to enjoy some wine in the hot tub with the ladies while the guys played a hockey video game until the ball dropped. In fact, Sara was TOO quiet, prompting a drunken daddy to sneak into the room and make sure all was well at 2:30am - I was sure he'd wake her, but once he put the idea in my head, I couldn't go to sleep until he checked!

Sara has already crossed one resolution off of her list... she has started saying 'da da', and it's so cute. Her daddy is very happy about this new development, especially after a few weeks of nothing but 'ma ma'! I have a hunch that she actually knows what she's saying, because yesterday she kept repeating 'ma ma, da da'. She also started clapping her hands, which I love. This is an exciting development that we were working on for a couple of months.

She's still going backwards with her crawling, but she can really move now - especially when she gets to our hardwood floor! She doesn't seem too bothered about not going forwards yet, because when she wants a particular toy she just pivots around until she can reach it. I have learned to just relax, knowing from experience that Sara's temperament is very cautious with new things (much like her mommy), and she does things only when she's ready. And once she has mastered a new skill, she can't get enough of it!
Over the past week I've been trying to encourage her self-feeding skills. I've introduced some finger foods on her highchair tray (baby cookie, broken up toast, steamed pears.) She mostly just pushes it around, which I find funny considering she puts everything else into her mouth! Her grasp is really good - she picks up the pieces and examines them, and then usually just throws them over the side. She eats pieces off of my finger though, and I'm relieved that so far her chewing skills are great. Yesterday we made a bit of a breakthrough with her cup. She finally drank some water - eagerly! I've taken the no-spill valve out for now until she gets the hang of it, which makes for very wet and messy drinking lessons. It's a mix of me holding the cup for her, and then her holding it. She loves to shake the cup and down, and once when it splashed her in the eyes once, she got angry and pushed the cup away with all her strength. Lesson over. Hee.

This morning we went back to the pool to start the winter session of our diaper fit class. It's much smaller this time, only 5 of us. One of my main winter projects is Operation Flat Belly - my post-pregnancy belly, which was almost gone, has grown back as a post-Christmas belly. So, it was good to get moving in the water. Sara is the oldest baby this time, and for the first time, I was the mom being asked various developmental questions or for tips about getting a baby to like the water. I'm so used to being the one with questions, so I'm happy to help though it made me a bit wistful -- likely also because I was reminded that many of the moms from the last class are heading back to work already. Sara still loves the pool so I'm going to start taking her during free swim times more often. As usual, she was the lifeguard magnet! They gravitated right to her, playing little games and waving/clapping with her. I was so proud of my little girl!

what a difference a year makes

2007-12-31T13:07:00.000-05:00

This afternoon we're busy packing up our little fam to ring in 2008 at our friends' house. I'm awestruck at the many blessings 2007 brought to us and how much things have changed, and while I'm a bit sad that it has gone so fast, I'm excited for all that lies ahead in 2008. It's incredible to think that this time last year Sara was tiny and curled up inside my belly as we had a quiet new year's eve at home eating and watching movies while other friends went out to a bar in Toronto (not the most pregnancy-friendly plans!) Quite honestly I'm really not a new year's person so that was perfect for me, but this year it will be special to celebrate with Sara. I'll probably head up to bed shortly after midnight though, because she'll be awake and chattering away by 7:30am!

Instead of resolutions, I'm working on a short list of things I want to accomplish in the remaining few months of my maternity leave - but it's not done yet. Sara, however, organized just like mom, has her first resolutions on the chalkboard in our kitchen:

1. Learn how to crawl (forwards - backwards is almost down)
2. Give lots of hugs
3. Say "Da-da"

Happy New Year!

merry

2007-12-27T19:37:00.001-05:00

This Christmas was quite possibly my favourite holiday so far. We spent two days filled with family, love, laughter, food, a special present and many happy memories. After weeks of stocking practice (learning to pull things out of containers), Sara had lots of fun opening her stocking with Daddy after breakfast, wearing her Christmas jammies from Grandma and Grandpa. This little pink fish bath toy is one of her new favourite things.
... and then more fun ripping wrapping paper!
She loves her new car from Santa.
And Christmas dinner for 10 was a great success (phew!), with many thanks to everyone pitching in and helping. Honestly, I don't know how our mothers did it mostly alone! Sara was in great spirits all day and sat happily in her highchair at the head of the table. She even had her own bowl of turkey and mashed potatoes for dinner. She even popped a Christmas tooth!

What it's all about...
I'm now ready for a long winter's nap until the new year.... so until then, I hope that your holiday has been as merry as ours!

Sara's first boyfriend

2007-12-18T13:27:00.001-05:00

Just a short photo post as I'm knee deep in cleaning, organizing, wrapping etc... oh yes, and eating. This is Sara's first boyfriend, an early Christmas gift from baby K. She's pretty enamoured with Ernie. Sara has started copying my actions sometimes, and when I showed her how to hug him and give him a kiss, she eagerly did her version!

She also learned how to wave this weekend, it's very cute! She's very close to crawling, and saying ma-ma all the time.... so sweet.

stepping out

2007-12-13T09:42:00.000-05:00

I took Sara to a 'holiday snugglebugs' program run by the town, and enjoyed some holiday baby crafts and chatting with other moms. It turns out that two of them went to my high school. I was afraid the program would be a little too hearts and flowers crafty for my taste, but it was fun - and next week there will be food!!

We made this clay footprint for her daddy, and a photo tree ornament/card. We took turns making the ornaments, a few at a time while the rest of us socialized and kept an eye on the little ones. When my turn came, I was nervous to leave Sara with everyone and go across the room, but one of the other mommies was also in a program we did during the fall so I felt more comfortable with her nearby. So I left Sara with the other babies and moms and started my project... looking up every few seconds, half expecting her to burst into tears wanting me to come back. But.... nope, not my baby. She was fine. She played happily with the others and chattered louder than any of them. She even grinned at a little boy who got upset over a wet diaper and cried right in her face. Every once and a while she turned and looked at me, and a mom commented "it's like she's checking on YOU!" I laughed wistfully, and had to agree. My baby was doing just fine on her own, and while I was so proud of how much she enjoyed our afternoon, it was yet another sign that she is growing up... just a little too fast!

o christmas tree

2007-12-11T22:27:00.001-05:00

We got our Christmas tree this past Saturday, Sara's 8 month birthday, and she's quite fascinated by this new green addition to the house with all its shiny lights and ornaments. I like the effect of turning off the flash on my camera...
It took her a while to actually reach out and touch anything, but today she did. She zoned in on one of the fabric ornaments that I sewed and hung at the bottom. She plucked it off and popped it into her mouth in one fell swoop, and gave it her sign of approval.

This week Sara has figured out how to push her bum right up in the air and rock back and forth (picture downward dog yoga pose, looking much easier than it actually is), so I think crawling is on the horizon! She is also babbling 'ma ma ma maa' constantly over the past few days. I'm not sure if she realizes what she's saying.... but it makes me almost burst with smiles. Does it count as "mama" yet?

We've been listening to a 'Sara's 1st Christmas' mix that I made, and she likes dancing to it with me. A true family CD, it has everything from U2 to the Muppets to Josh Groban (whose version of Silent Night, by the way, can bring on tears if you're at all sappy like me.) Have I mentioned how excited I am for Christmas this year...

P is for Poo

2007-12-06T22:26:00.000-05:00

Ok, so it finally happened... our first exploding diaper. We got through 8 lovely months of contained poop, which I was very proud of, until tonight. Here's how it went down...

I gave Sara a lentil and veggie blend for dinner, followed by her bottle. I stood her up on my lap afterwards and she let out the longest fart ever... she laughed afterwards, and so did I. Then we sat together and read some books like we do every night before her bath.

I thought I could smell something "off", but chalked it up to some earlier spit up that I may have missed on her sweater (it was the first spit up in a couple of days!) We read for a while until Sara got squirmy, when I picked her up and carried her upstairs to get ready for the bath. I stopped to talk to Ian while holding her, and when my hand grazed the back of her pants it felt wet... uh oh. I made a face, and when Ian looked closer at my hand, he said the words I didn't want to hear: "Umm... it's dirty..."

OH GOD.

Never having dealt with this before, I wasn't sure what to do. Ian got a towel to lay on her change pad, and when I started taking clothes off, we saw the damage. There was poo everywhere. On her pants, her shirt, most of the way up her back. At a loss for what to do first, I just stripped her down while Ian poured the bath. I had heard that lentils can be a bit hard to digest at first, but come on!! I used about a million wipes and handed her over to daddy to get cleaned up. She happily splashed about in the tub while I dealt with the laundry.

Then I realized I had to inspect the couch for poo. Holding my breath, I found there was only a small spot to clean... phew.

Only a mom could turn poop into a life lesson, but I've been spending time lately reflecting on this past year and just watching Sara... thinking about how she has changed me already. I used to get wound up and fixated on things big and small, and wanted to maintain control over things. While we still try to have a big picture life plan, I've learned that the day to day just happens. The ordinary, unplanned moments are often the happiest. Yesterday Sara was happy to just sit and play with an empty laundry basket for a while. And I was happy to just sit and watch her. It really struck me. And exploding poop? Not exactly planned, but we dealt with it and even had a good laugh.

This time last year I wasn't dealing with exploding diapers, but it's kind of a metaphor for how much our lives have changed. My heart is bigger, my home warmer, and marriage more meaningful. Our family is closer, which I'm happy about, and some friendships have changed. Some have become stronger, while others have diminished - I've struggled to accept that, but I guess it's to be expected. My art has become more important, and while I don't have nearly as much down time, my free moments are more precious and I don't waste them. There are still times when I freak out over, you know, silly things... or wish someone else would magically clean/sort/put away/throw out/buy all the 'stuff'... but I have too many blessings to count, not the least of which is our beautiful baby and her clean bum.

Oh, and for the benefit of those who come over, the couch cushions have been washed. And we're now calling it the poo couch.

H is for Hibernation

2007-12-04T22:39:00.001-05:00

There is a ridiculous amount of snow in our neighbourhood... here's a photo of the snow pile beside our tree. It's hard to tell how high it is, but my sore back from shovelling snow to the top of it is further proof!
H is also for Heat, and, the blower on our furnace.... well, it blew. Completely. We had to spend a gut-wrenching amount of money that we don't have to get it fixed today, which is all the more sweet just before Christmas. And to celebrate our newly warm house, I decided that we needed to go... outside.

I hadn't been out for a walk with Sara in days because we've either had howling winds, blowing snow, icy and snow encrusted sidewalks, freezing rain, or all of the above. Today it was cold but sunny and the winds were calm after an overnight snow dump, so I seized the opportunity. And well, let's just say that when people told me how much harder it would be to go out during the winter, they weren't kidding! I used to leave the stroller on our walkway, ready to go at a moment's notice, and I could just walk out the door with Sara, my shoes and keys. Here's how it goes these days...

First: Boots. She tried to eat one while I put on the other, and cried when I took it away. Then, mittens. Sara doesn't like losing control of her fingers, and started to shriek while I shimmied the first one on, so next came the soother. Then, the snowsuit. This is surprisingly the easiest part. Next, I had to figure out where to put her while I got my gear on, including my boots which were wet from shovelling the driveway. I wheeled her playpen over to the front door and put her in it. Sitting in her snowsuit is tough, even though it's designed to be thin, and she soon tipped backwards in a pink pouf with arms and legs sticking out. Not impressed and unable to get back up, she started to cry again while I got my boots on. Once we were ready, I scooped her up and finished with her hat and hood. Finally we were out the door, only to discover that the sun we'd had streaming through the windows all day was totally gone.

Next: Opened the garage, pulled out the stroller, and strapped her in. Easy. Then came the plastic wind shield with velcro tabs. Who designed this thing?? It doesn't go over the stroller easily, and I spent more time trying to keep the hard plastic from hitting Sara in the face while I wrestled it on. Finally we were ready to go, and I pushed the stroller onto the sidewalk. Things were going well, snow was falling softly, and Sara was content. Then, we hit the end of the street... and a wall of snow. Yes, the considerate snow and sidewalk plow drivers had built snow walls at every corner, so unless our stroller has hydraulic features I'm not aware of, we were trapped. I had to find fully shovelled driveways on each side of the streets, and cross where we could. But I must say, our Graco stroller handles the winter terrain very well!

It was great to get outside, but our walks won't be as frequent over the next few months.... although she does look so cute in her winter gear!
Every winter I wish I could just hibernate and go out on my own terms, and this year is going to be the closest we get. So we will decorate for the holidays, find some new indoor games, and I'll enjoy every moment at home with my favourite girl!

hung by the chimney with care

2007-12-03T09:17:00.001-05:00

I finished making Sara's Christmas stocking last week and I'm quite proud of it! It will be so much fun to fill it up with little goodies for Sara to reach in and pull out on her first Christmas morning. We went shopping and picked up a bath toy, some blocks, a new finger puppet, some socks (woo hoo!) and her very first little doll! Her main gift from us will be this Fisher Price learning walker/ride-on car. The big day will be at our house for the first time this year, which is yet another indication that we really are parents now... I'm really looking forward to it, and just keeping my fingers crossed that the turkey doesn't come out Griswold style.

I dragged out the box of decorations last night, started some cards, and I'm using leftover stocking fabric to make some tree ornaments. Here's what our dining / crafting table looked like last week with everything in progress, with some hot tea and a peppermint chocolate brownie for energy!
When I was born my grandmother sewed some fabric ornaments that would be safe for my curious little hands, and we now have them in our collection. They've been on our tree every year since I was born, and even though the 70s floral fabric isn't exactly something you'd see in a holiday decor magazine spread, it's a tradition that I'm not parting with anytime soon. Now I'm adding ornaments made for my own little girl. This has me thinking about holiday traditions that I want Sara to grow up with, like her daddy's famous pancake/french toast breakfasts, family get togethers and games, baking with mommy when she's older.... and of course, I hope she'll appreciate all of the things I make for her. One existing tradition we'll introduce her to this year is for Boxing Day. We don't go shopping and come home exhausted and in debt... we stay in our pajamas, watch movies, and eat leftovers!

one of a kind finds

2007-11-26T09:32:00.000-05:00

Yesterday at the One of Kind Show I tried to buy something for myself.... really. I tried. But it seems that even when I try to shop for myself these days, I end up buying things for Sara instead!

I picked up this cat puppet from Diabolo Puppets - it's so much fun and Muppet-like, I think she'll love it. It will be a gift for her first Christmas!
And it didn't exactly fit the budget, but I couldn't resist this adorable "Gorgeous Garden" caterpillar dress from Red Thread Designs. It's actually an investment (Ian would cringe to hear me say that...) because it will fit from now until Sara's about 4 years old - first as a dress, then as a tunic top. The colours and fabrics are amazing!

And for me? All the free food samples, and one jar of red pepper jelly to pour over goat cheese for a Christmas dinner appetizer.

sweet sounds

2007-11-22T22:29:00.000-05:00

Sara has started babbling some consonant sounds this past week, and it's so adorable. Our conversations go a little something like this...

Me: Do you have a story to tell Mommy, Sara?

Sara: Baa baa bwaw ba waaa baba!

I love it. She also tried to put her beloved Sophie the Giraffe or soother in our mouths, which must mean she really loves us!

As for her night waking, I wish I could say that has been resolved. Our doctor seems sure it's behavioural based on what's been happening. She checks out fine, and if it was teething she wouldn't settle as soon as one of us picks her up... it's like she's waking up and wanting one of us, especially me. We had a couple of nights that were back to normal, then last night she woke up after only 20 minutes crying really hard. Ian was at work, so I waited a bit and then tried some Gripe Water solely for the purpose of ruling out any digestive discomfort. I've even started a food diary just to see if there's any correlation between sleep and meal size/combos (at dinner in particular.)

She was quiet, so I lay her back down and sat beside the crib. She started to cry again and pushed her hands and feet through the crib slats to reach for me... it went against every maternal piece of me to not pick her up and comfort her, so we almost had both of us in tears! She quieted down after a few minutes, and I slowly backed out of the room trying not to trip over anything or make unnecessary noise.... but I couldn't fool her. After another nearly half hour of intense crying alternating with snuffling as she tried to go back to sleep, I had to go back in. That's when I smelled poo in the air! I picked her up, changed her, held her for a minute and put her back into the crib, and she fell alseep immediately for the rest of the night. So... was it the poo that kept her awake, and I let her cry needlessly? Was the poo from crying so hard? Regardless, it was hard not to feel like an awful mom.

Tonight she has woken twice so far, the first time for about 10 minutes, and then for about 5. We haven't picked her up, just rubbed her tummy or rolled her to her favourite sleeping side. And there seems to be no connection to her diet today, which was 100% tried, tested and true. So confusing.... this is one phase that I can't wait to get past!

sunday night fever

2007-11-19T10:41:00.000-05:00

On one of the warm days last week we went to the park - Sara loves the swings!
And here she is with her daddy, rocking her new pink Robeez winter boots. That's her Xmas stocking in progress in the background.
We had a stressful couple of weeks around our house, and poor Sara has been having some rough nights. Teething? Really NOT fun for the whole family. Then again, as much as I pretend to have the mommy instincts fully developed by now, I really have no idea whether we're dealing with teething again or something else.

During the day she seems fine and is napping well, but last week for 4 nights in a row she sobbed and screamed when we put her to bed. It's just so unlike her, she's normally a great sleeper. At first we tried picking her up and cuddling her, which didn't seem to help, so we thought hmmm.... another tooth (#3) coming, perhaps? We gave her Tempra starting on night 2, and eventually after an hour or so she fell asleep either from exhaustion or because it worked. Then, on Fri. and Sat. night she was back to normal. Actually, we took her to visit friends on Saturday and our intention was to leave after dinner to make sure she got to bed at a decent time. We weren't going to venture a sleepover after how the week had gone! But... sometimes us mommies need a break, and a "short dip" in the hot tub while the boys watched Sara turned into a 2-hour soak and girl talk session! When we came back in, not realizing how long we'd been outside, Sara was sprawled out sleeping on the couch with her books strewn behind her... I'll post the picture we took when I get it from them, it was hilarious. Anyway, we got her home and into bed just fine. We thought the weird phase had passed. Until last night...

I put her to bed without any issue at 7:30pm, and she woke up crying pretty hard at about 10pm. I made sure she had her soother, but she started screaming and arching her back... she was inconsolable until I picked her up, and then she buried her face in my neck and fell fast asleep. I put her back in the crib after about 15 mins, and ... well, it started all over again. We put her between us in our bed and she stopped crying but proceeded to babble and grab our faces like it was playtime. I tried cuddling again but the cycle continued when I put her down. I gave her a small bottle -- no help. Magical Tempra -- no help. Seeing if she'd just fall asleep -- no way. Finally we dug out the old standby, Gripe water, thinking maybe she had stomach pain, and after about 20 mins she went back to sleep. By this time it was 12:45am.

It's so unbelievably frustrating when you don't know what's wrong or how to fix it, and you begin to feel like none of you will ever sleep again! As much as I would like to assume it's just teething (although we can't feel or see a new tooth), I can't shake the feeling that maybe something else is wrong. I was even wondering if she looks more pale in the last few days. Maybe she has a bug, but she's really fine all day. Maybe I'm feeding her something she can't tolerate, although unless it's meat I can't think of what it would be. Moms excel at worrying, so our big outing for today will be to the doctor's office this afternoon.

In happier news, I finally got around to re-doing my web site... I love my new Mac. I was limited to the iLife software but it was so easy and I'll be able to update the site much more often. It looks ok on our computer, so here's hoping it does everywhere else too. If not, maybe don't tell me today... please and thanks :)

on Santa's good list

2007-11-12T22:13:00.000-05:00

It's been a bit of a whirlwind around here, so until I get to a proper post, here are some photos of Sara in her spiffy 1st Christmas dress - in our family tartan, no less - SO cute. I can't bring myself to post it publicly, but there's also a great one where she's lifting the dress up over her head. It makes me laugh, but her daddy is mildly horrified by it.

Christmas will be so much fun this year!

RR's turkey meatloaf... oh my asiago gravy

2007-11-07T10:18:00.000-05:00

First of all, I'm still getting over the shock of looking outside to see a coating of s-n-o-w all over our yard this morning... but my disappointment quickly turned to gratitude when I realized that for the first year in a long time, I wasn't going to be stuck in 2 hours of traffic during the first morning rush hour snowfall of the year! Joy! Instead, after Sara went down for her first nap, I curled up on the couch with my coffee to watch - gulp - Rachael Ray. Yes, I have been watching her lately... my co-workers will no doubt find this amusing, but really, she is surprisingly much more tolerable than Regis and Kelly at 9am.

Today she made a recipe that looks so good I have to share it, and it will be tried out in our house soon (without the tomatoes or quite as much garlic...) It's comfort food, it's healthy, and it fits our increasingly sad maternity leave budget!

Turkey Meatloaf With Creamy Asiago Gravy, Roasted Broccoli & Tomatoes

Ingredients

1 head of garlic left whole plus 2 cloves, grated
Extra-virgin olive oil for drizzling
1 cup milk
1 slice (about 3 inches thick) of crusty bread or 6 slices of sandwich bread
2 pounds (1 package) ground lean turkey breast
1 tablespoon poultry seasoning
4 tablespoons fresh sage, chopped
1/4 teaspoon nutmeg, to taste
6 shallots, finely chopped
1/2 cup grated Parmigiano-Reggiano cheese
1 egg, beaten
1 large head broccoli or 2 small heads
1 pint of cherry tomatoes
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
3 tablespoons butter
3 tablespoons flour
1 cup chicken stock
1 cup milk
2 1/2 cups (10 ounces) good quality, shredded Asiago cheese

Yields: 5-6 servings

Preparation

Serve the meatloaf with roasted garlic cheese gravy and the roasted broccoli and tomatoes alongside.

Preheat oven to 425°F.

Cut the top off the whole garlic bulb, drizzle with EVOO and rub into skin. Double wrap the garlic in foil and roast 20-25 minutes in the oven or toaster oven.

While the garlic is roasting, place the bread into medium size mixing bowl and pour the milk over it. Let it soak for 5-10 minutes.

In another medium-size mixing bowl, add the ground turkey. Make a deep well in the center by punching the meat with your fist and fill it with the 2 cloves of grated garlic, soaked bread, poultry seasoning, sage, nutmeg, shallots, Parmigiano-Reggiano and egg.

Mix the meatloaf ingredients together, form a long, thin, oval-shaped loaf and transfer it to a sheet pan. Drizzle the loaf liberally with EVOO, and roast for 45 minutes, until it reaches an internal temperature of 165ºF.

While the meatloaf is roasting, work on the broccoli and cherry tomatoes: Trim the very end off of the broccoli stems with a peeler or a paring knife, removing the thick fibrous outer layer of the broccoli stems. Cut the broccoli lengthwise into large spears that look like long, skinny trees and place them along with the cherry tomatoes onto a sheet pan. Drizzle everything with EVOO and season with salt and freshly ground black pepper. Transfer to the oven during the last 30 minutes that the meatloaf is cooking.

For the gravy, place a medium-size saucepot over medium heat with the butter. Mash the whole roasted garlic cloves until they are nice and smooth, and add to the butter. Once the butter melts, whisk in flour and cook for 1 minute. Whisk in the chicken stock, then the milk. Allow the mixture to thicken, about 2 minutes, then stir in the Asiago cheese. Once the cheese has melted, season with salt and freshly ground black pepper.

1st Halloween

2007-11-01T08:25:00.000-05:00

Sara's first Halloween costume was adorable, our little pumpkin looked so cute!
After getting dressed we had some tears because she's in the process of dropping her third nap, which used to be at 5pm, but she wouldn't take a catnap... so we just had quiet time before venturing out. When she was all smiles again, she played with Daddy.Then we headed out...
I took her across the street to visit her aunt and uncle, who gave her a cool toy phone, and then the neighbours, where she picked out some candy for mom and dad.... after dinner she enjoyed greeting some trick or treaters at our door. We got the ultimate compliment on Bert and Ernie - a little boy went to get his dad from the sidewalk and brought him back to look at our pumpkins.
Of course Sara spit up on her costume a few times, but her costume was fleece with big folds so it stayed relatively contained! Fortunately she saved this for the privacy of our house.

We didn't get as many trick or treaters as usual, so it looks like now I'll be spending a lot of time eating candy while Sara's napping... eating candy while Sara's playing....

Sara's first pumpkins

2007-10-29T12:07:00.001-05:00

Yesterday Sara's aunt and I introduced her to the art of pumpkin carving - her role was to help scoop out the pumpkin guts! One is the pumpkin off our vine, which is tall and skinny... kind of like Bert, so it only seemed fitting to do a Bert and Ernie theme for our babe's first Halloween. Sara cautiously leaned in to touch the smooth, cold pumpkin that would become Ernie...
"What is this wet slimy stuff in my hands??"
The finished pumpkins! I added some of my paints to make the characters more 'obvious'.

friday photos

2007-10-26T13:21:00.001-05:00

I haven't posted any pics of Sara this week, so here are some new ones to end the week. She looks so cute in this little cupcake shirt I just want to eat her up! The jeans, as you can see, are way too big though. They fell down when I was bouncing her on my knee.
And here she's wearing a dress I knit her, it has a ribbon tie at the back.
Have a great weekend! Tomorrow we're getting our new car seat checked by St. John Ambulance and visiting Sara's Grandpa for his birthday, and then Sunday is pumpkin carving day! I can't wait to see her get her hands (and likely mouth) into all the goo....

in the bag

2007-10-25T19:24:00.000-05:00

I've been having a love/hate relationship with my diaper bag. It's one of the essential items of toting around a baby/toddler and all her stuff (not to mention your own stuff), and few moms I've talked to really love theirs. Function and style hold equal weight with me. I love the look of my bag, and it's messenger style is great for slinging on, but... now that I'm carrying Sara in and out instead of using an infant car seat, a shorter stiffer handle set would be much easier to pick up (especially off the floor). And, the magnetic flap that once seemed so ingenious when everything I put in there was, well, smaller, now means I can't close the bag at all. Why? Because, I after I cram it full of diapers, wipes, toys, play blanket, bibs, jacket, hat, shoes, meals, etc.... it just doesn't close most of the time. I think I need something a bit bigger.

Anyway, along came Etsy... sigh. A girl can spend hours on Etsy, can't she? And I found some beautifully made ones with great fabric, like these... 2 from Pockets of Sage

from Bliss By Heather
And then I found these by Midnight Creations. Large totes for a good price that have a life after being a diaper bag, and they come in my favourite Chocolate Lollipop fabrics by Anna Maria Horner! Happiness! I've contacted her to see if she has some of the other CL fabrics for a large tote with a zipper top.

The changing pad that came with my bag is too small for Sara now, so I took a quick peek for one of those too, just for fun.... honestly, do change pad manufacturers think babies are toilet trained at 3 months when they're still short? I like this blue/green one, this polka dot/paisley one, and this pink squares pad. And, this one is a bit short at 20", but it's so lovely...
Some other cute Etsy finds are these felted nesting bowls, and this hat from the Portland Beanie Company. There are several colour combinations, and matching Mary Jane slippers. I know, this DOES have Sara's name written all over it, doesn't it?

decisions, decisions

2007-10-24T20:23:00.001-05:00

Things have been busy around here lately, but after my friend introduced me to this blog and I found this post about 'creative self-control', I had to take a deep breath and smile. This blogger/artist does a great job of articulating what she feels is a problem with her art -- a total inability to settle upon and stick to a definitive "style". YES! I really GET IT. I too suffer from MSD (multiple style disorder) and it has always made me feel like I'm really lacking something. Like I'm not really good at any one thing, not really an "artist". The post, and comments afterwards, were to me like someone offering me a big bowl of Ben & Jerry's Half Baked ice cream, with extra brownies and fudge sauce on top. What a comfort and relief!

Witness exhibit A ... these are recent pieces. I've had a thing for birds lately.... and combos of pink/brown/red/rust/teal. Please ignore my crappy art photography, the flash so often reflects on the paint and distorts the colours. I can't figure out how to stop this from happening, and no flash usually makes everything blurry.
And here's exhibit B... This is actually only about 3/4 done, but it shows my expressive 'kid' style. It's going to be for Sara's room and I'm having a lot of fun with it! I'll try to get a better photo of it when it's done.
I also have an expressive 'adult' style... and people seem to like my paper/paint mixed media, which looks quite different again. But, I don't see this as a problem anymore. It seems to be a quirky creative trait that so many of us share. I have too many ideas and inspirations rattling around in my head to pick just one! And maybe I just wouldn't be me if I didn't always have a myriad of painting/mixed media/knitting/quilting/sewing projects in the wings. And let's face it, like the other blogger, I have trouble making decisions in general. Anyone who has been to a restaurant with me can attest to my inability to pick one dish off the menu... and even when I have it narrowed to two choices, after I order I feel better if someone else at the table ordered my other choice. Just so I can see it and possibly try some.

My other issue? Before having a baby, I painted with the intent of selling or giving them away except for a few pieces that were made for a certain spot in our house. Now, I want to give everything to Sara!

new projects

2007-10-17T19:39:00.001-05:00

I decided that I want to make Sara's Xmas stocking myself, and my goal is to have it done for her first Xmas this year... I found these fun fabrics, and will be doing a patchwork quilted front with the red chenille (left) as the back. I couldn't find a free pattern online, so I'm going to try tracing my own stocking and adding a seam allowance.
I also picked up some felt to applique a circle in the middle with her initial, and some rick rack so that it will look like an ornament hanging in the center. I'm still in the "ambitious beginner" level of sewing, so wish me luck!

And here's a stash of fabric I've started, that's waiting to become a patchwork quilt for Sara's bed when she's out of her crib. It's ages away, but that's how long it will take me to do it! Here's the little pile so far...
It's funny to be thinking about her next room already (I even have a binder to collect ideas!), but it's really important to me that it be as unique and individual as she is. I don't want it to be all matchy and straight out of a store... I want to find different pieces and make what I can. There's a new canvas on my easel today that I'm quite excited about too.

In some ways it's really hard to find time to be creative with a little one, but in other ways I'm more inspired and productive than ever. It's the less time = do more stuff effect. Making things, especially things for Sara, is a necessity for me. And sometimes being creative just more important than having a spotless house!

the tooth and sitting up fairies

2007-10-12T22:33:00.001-05:00

It was a big week of milestones as Sara turned 6 months old. She rolls around constantly and is sitting on her own now for several minutes at a time! I guess all of the back arching when I sat her down before was because she didn't feel steady or ready to sit independently, and now she does. It amazes me how one day babies aren't able to do something, and the next day they are. I still keep a pillow behind her for now, just in case! Here is my rock star baby, sitting down doing her best Jimmie Page impression.
And, after 3 months of drooling and chewing on anything in sight, plus 3 sleepless nights this week, I was overjoyed to rub my finger on Sara's bottom gum yesterday... and feel a sharp little tooth poking through! With all the buildup, you'd think I would have been prepared for a painful process, but no... so when our babe who has slept through the night so well since she was 2 1/2 months old had three sleepless nights in a row, it was not pretty. I won't lie, it was a tough week. She wasn't upset the first two nights so we weren't sure what was going on. She was just awake and 'talking' loudly in her crib. She also lost her appetite, which was concerning and almost landed us at the doctor's office. On the third night she was crying inconsolably, which made my heart break for her, and Ian rocked her in the chair while I tried cold teethers. Finally a dose of Tempra helped her for a few hours, and the next morning, there was the tooth! Her appetite came back today too, thankfully, and she seems just as relieved about the whole thing as we are.

The funniest new trick is that she has figured out how to play Peekaboo. She does it with the cloth book I made for her, by holding it and then bringing it down into her lap fast and laughing after we say "Where's Sara?...." The best part is that she doesn't always cover her face with the book... most of the time she holds it on top of her head like a hat, so we can actually see her face the whole time!!

Oh, and the best new development? Sara gives hugs. They are the best hugs in the world, and make me oh so happy to be a mom.

the great pumpkin

2007-10-10T12:38:00.000-05:00

We've been nurturing another baby this summer -- a pumpkin in our backyard -- and yesterday I introduced it to babe #1. I was simmering a pot of turkey stock on our stove with leftover turkey from the Thanksgiving dinner we hosted on Sunday (Sara's first big family holiday!), so we couldn't go far.... but after a rainy morning I still wanted to take her outside when the sun came out. So we sat on our front porch where I had proudly put our pumpkin on display, and I let her touch it. She immediately lurched forward in my lap and tried to eat it, like she does with everything these days! She was quite interested in this new smooth orange toy so we had a nice time outside listening to the birds and watching leaves fall from our trees. When we came back into the house we were greeted by the most awesome, warm turkey aromas from the kitchen. Finally, it's Fall!

Zoo and Markham Fair

2007-10-04T13:40:00.000-05:00

I'm a little behind in posting, but here are a few photos from the Zoo and Markham Fair last week while Ian was on vacation... Sara was interested in some animals at the zoo, but apparently this friendly gorilla couldn't even catch her eye by banging on the glass!
Sara and Sophie meet the real giraffes!

I was so excited to bring her to Markham Fair, it's amazing to bring her to something I've attended every year since I was 8... first for the animals and rides, then for the beer tent, now with our daughter. Amazing! My diet for the day was coffee, apple cider, Tiny Tom donuts, fudge, and fries with gravy. Mmm.
like mother, like daughter...

These outings were the perfect kick-off to fall. I'm counting down the minutes to turkey, stuffing, gravy, and pumpkin pie... happy Thanksgiving everyone! I think it's obvious what I am most grateful for this year!

fun with baby food

2007-10-04T08:20:00.001-05:00

So far Sara is loving her food - she leans to the spoon and squeals in between bites for more - and I really enjoy making her produce. There's something very rewarding about selecting local produce from a farm, preparing it and watching her happy face as she takes her first bites. She loves the rice and oatmeal cereals now, and sweet potatoes are a big hit.

Now we're trying butternut squash. I bought a BIG squash at the Markham Fair, and after cutting it (which is an art, and at some points I wished I had a saw) I quickly realized that it would make about 30 servings of baby food.... so, since I was making a casserole for dinner anyway, I came up with this recipe that would feed us and our babe. I was quite impressed with my domestic ingenuity :)

Roasted Vegetable Pasta and Butternut Squash Puree

1 large butternut squash
1 large red pepper
1 large yellow pepper
20-25 large cremini mushrooms
2 cups dried pasta (any medium pasta will do, I used macaroni)
Olive oil
Sea salt
Freshly ground black pepper
1 pkg Goat cheese

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees F.

2. Peel and chop up the butternut squash. Reserve about 1/3 for the casserole, and start steaming the rest (takes 15-20 minutes in the steamer).

3. Cook pasta, until just al dente. It will soften further during baking.

4. Chop the other veggies into chunks, and place in bowl with reserved squash. Drizzle with olive oil and toss with a generous amount of salt and pepper. Spread veggies on a baking sheet and roast for 30-40 minutes, until slightly golden. Stir once or twice during roasting.

5. When the squash is cooked, reserve the steamer water in a measuring cup and place squash in food processor. Puree until smooth, adding cooking water as needed.

6. Fill baby food containers with puree, and let cool. I filled 8 2tbsp containers for freezing, plus one serving in a dish. Let cool before freezing.

7. Place pasta and vegetables in a large baking dish. Pour the remaining squash puree over top and stir.

8. I put the casserole in the fridge at this point, to bake just before supper at 350 degrees F for 30 minutes, covered with foil. Remove foil and bake for 5-10 more minutes to brown the top. Otherwise, bake immediately for about 20 minutes at the same temperature.

9. Serve with goat cheese on top (I like a lot of goat cheese)... Yum!

read to me

2007-10-02T12:14:00.000-05:00

We have a gift certificate on the way from Chapters for $100, and I've been trying to contain my excitement about buying up a big pile of children's books for Sara. This kind of shopping opportunity requires some research and planning, and although we already have a good selection of books, I've had no trouble compiling a list! I just haven't added up the cost... (and yes, I realize these links are to Amazon... I just like their site.)

1. Alligator Pie by Dennis Lee. This is a Canadian essential kids' book!

2. Picture This by Alison Jay. With vibrant folk-art inspired paintings and a simple large-type word format, this picture book makes an ideal first-word book. Each turn of the page reveals a new perspective on what has come before and gives a hint of what's to come.

3. Who Lives Here? by Tanya Roitman. Vertically stepped pages create the architecture of the tall, tall house, and die cuts hide and reveal each of the animals in this gentle story about friendship and learning to share. Rich, traditional folk art accompanies this retelling loosely drawn from a Russian folktale the author enjoyed as a child.

4. Count the Birdies by Matthew Porter. Based on Japanese woodcuts, this beautifully designed and crafted board book that not only helps children learn to count, but to recognize colors as well.

5. The Tiny Seed by Eric Carle. The author of "The Hungry Caterpillar"'s eloquent text and brilliant collages turn the simple life cycle of a plant into an exciting story, a nature lesson, and an inspiring message of the importance of perseverance.

6. Counting Kisses by Karen Katz. We have her 'Daddy Kisses' book and love her style!

7. The Wheels on the Bus by Paul O. Zelinsky. This is Sara's favourite song and the book is beautifully illustrated.

8. Petit Connoisseur: Art by Karen Salmansohn. A good way to introduce little ones early on to the beautiful and amazing world of art.

9. The Balloon Tree by Phoebe Gilman. Another Canadian classic for little girls with big imaginations.

10. Russell the Sheep by Rob Scotton. It's about sheep with an illustration style I love. What other reasons do I need?

a spot of tea?

2007-09-28T22:30:00.001-05:00

I haven't mentioned it, but all week we've been giving Sara bum tea. What's that, you say? Well, let me tell you.... she got a nasty diaper rash, her first, after we switched her to size 3 diapers (Pampers Cruisers instead of Pampers Swaddlers). The weird mesh lining in the Cruisers is the culprit, I'm pretty sure. We learned that diaper rash is fast to set in, and can take forever to cure even though we switched to Pampers Baby Dry diapers. We tried Penaten, Zincofax, and some Sudocream samples from a baby show, but it just got worse to the point where our poor baby's butt had raised red patches that were almost raw.

Our pharmacist told us to make a combo of hydrocortisone cream (0.5%) and the Life brand of Canesten. Not to be gross, but apparently diaper rash can become like a yeast infection. Finally, progress was made and her skin started to heal! Strangely, the mix of the cream and the diaper gave Sara's bum an aroma that I can only describe as 'eau de chicken broth'.

But it was still red, so off we went to the doctor. His prescription was to brew some chamomile tea, let it cool, and dip unscented kleenex in it to use as a diaper wipe with every change (except the poopy ones). I was impressed with this old school style remedy, and lo and behold, this stuff is magic!! We noticed an improvement immediately, and after a couple of days, poof... no more rash.

So we've been calling this concoction 'bum tea', and since chamomile is one of my fave teas, my evening mug of it now has a new connotation it never had before... and chicken soup just might too.

p.s. For a week now, Sara has been rolling over -- both ways! I feel silly for getting worried before!

here little fishy...

2007-09-25T11:53:00.000-05:00

Ian came with us to our Diaper Fit mom & baby swim class this morning and took some pictures at the end when we 'docked' the little boats. Some of the babies, like Sara, like having a towel behind them -- this is also perfect for drying off the toys because she puts everything in her mouth. She even tried eating the boat today!
She has fun until the end when most of the babies start to fuss a little. If there's time we go into the shallow warm pool afterwards. She loves being swished about in the water!

mmmm... rice cereal

2007-09-23T10:34:00.000-05:00

So Sara's first bites of 'solid' food were not a resounding success, but they weren't a total failure either. We started by getting her used to the highchair, which she quite likes!
Then as I started spooning rice cereal into her mouth, we had some of these faces:
But we had a lot more of these faces:
She ate less than a teaspoon on Saturday, and about a teaspoon this morning. Part of the problem, I think, may be that I gave it to her after her bottle -- and both mornings she was full and didn't quite finish the bottle. I'm pretty sure I read to do it in this order at the beginning, but I think tomorrow I will try cereal before the bottle to determine whether she needs to get used to the cereal or if she was just full before. I don't know... more trial and error!

bring on the food

2007-09-21T08:33:00.000-05:00

This weekend will be a big one in little Sara's life - and for us too, as parents - our baby girl is starting solids! I've been busy washing and sterilizing highchair trays, spoons, bowls, sippy cups... oh my. When we got these things at my baby shower, this stage seemed SO far away.

The box of Heinz rice cereal, chosen after much research and added confidence knowing it was once Pablum, is on standby on the kitchen table beside the highchair. Even though it's more work, I'm looking so forward to watching Sara try different foods... especially since food is a great love her dad and I share. I do plan to make her produce by steaming, pureeing and freezing it once a week. This is the perfect time of year to start too. We'll be making trips to farmer's markets to buy locally grown and organic produce like sweet potatoes, squash, apples... yum! It will be fun, but I'm taking what we feed her pretty seriously too. I'm not going to make strained meats (mmm, strained meats) but I think it's so important to make responsible food choices from the beginning.

Speaking of which... I'm realizing that we need to make greener choices for household cleaning products very soon. It's not because some celebrity is telling me so, it's because I don't want my little babe breathing fumes or having her hands and mouth touching surfaces that have been cleaned with harsh chemicals when she starts moving around more. So, it looks like we'll also be restocking our vinegar, baking soda and Borax!

I must admit I find the idea of changing from a strictly formula routine to breakfast, lunch, dinner and snack pretty confusing at the moment, but we'll see how it goes!

at day's end

2007-09-20T17:37:00.000-05:00

I took this photo of Sara sleeping A) because she looks so cute, and B) because it was right before one of my favourite parts of each day... when I scoop her up and feed her a small bottle at 10pm, after she has been sleeping for a while. No matter how exhausted I am at the end of the day, this time fills my heart and sends me to bed happy. I love the sound of her quietly drinking her bottle cradled in my arms, and I really, really love the cuddles we have afterwards. I hold her on my shoulder and she nuzzles her head into my neck while she sleeps with her little hands wrapped around me.

This is our time -- time to bond, and for me to reflect on the day's funny moments and new developments. For example...

**Sara rolled over today, from tummy to back. And I missed it! She had spit up during tummy time and I went to grab a cloth. When I returned, she was on her back! Go figure.

**She has started flapping both arms up and down at her sides when she is excited. Too cute.

**She has discovered that one object can have two different sides. She started by staring at her hand and turning it repeatedly from palm to back, and yesterday she sat on my lap opening and shutting a book for about 10 minutes. I love how she looks up at me in wonder, as if to say "look Mommy, did you know this?!"

Since we're starting her on solids this weekend, it won't be long before we phase this last bottle out. I will really miss this time together, but I don't want to end up like the mom in 'Love You Forever' -- that classic book is a tear-jerker but let's face it, it does get creepy at the end -- so for now I will remember to cherish these moments and cuddles!

BabyLegs!

2007-09-19T12:13:00.001-05:00

When Sara heard that Flashdance was being re-released on DVD yesterday, she insisted upon wearing her baby legwarmers...

on the go again

2007-09-17T08:12:00.000-05:00

Just a quick post, following up the last one... things were back to normal over the weekend with Sara. She wanted to sit up again with support, and was trying to roll over (so close, but not quite!) She was loving her jumperoo as well, actually bouncing from one foot to the other for the first time and laughing as if it's the greatest thing ever. I feel silly for starting to worry, but I guess that's what makes us good mommies sometimes. I am learning that everything truly is a phase with babies and sometimes they have off days... just like adults. We were laughing at her crib gymnastics routine before each nap. Down on her back - roll over to left side and push feet against crib - onto back again and grab toes - roll onto to left side again - zzzzzzzzzzzzz.

New pictures are coming soon... we just got a dreamy new iMac because our old computer was past it's expiration date!

"Should I be concerned if ___?"

2007-09-14T15:47:00.000-05:00

This is how one of a new mama's most commonly uttered phrases begins when talking to the doc, fellow moms, family members, play group members, or almost anyone who will listen, really. Usually it's in a casual, I'm-not-really-freaked-out-about-this-but-thought-I-would-just-mention-it sort of tone. We all want our babes to be developing 'normally' along the standardized chart of milestones. Despite disclaimers that every baby is an individual and the charts are meant as a guideline, it's impossible to read that your baby isn't doing something she's 'supposed' to and not worry...at least a little.

At 5 months and 1 week, I've been reading about the 6 month milestones and getting geared up to introduce solid food. By 6 months, Sara should be sitting on her own and rolling both ways. Hmm. So far she has only rolled once in each direction, with little sign of doing it again... She doesn't love being on her tummy yet, though she will stay on it for longer periods and reach for toys now. Usually I lie beside her saying things like "That's great, Sara... now just tuck your knee up under your bum... bring an arm around in front of you..." Yeah right, Mommy! She pushes up her arms and chest, or kicks her feet and waves her arms around, but no rolling. Ironically, she often rolls from her back onto her side in the crib now, but not while we're playing.

As for sitting, she does little curl ups all the time and usually when we pull her up to sitting she likes it. But suddenly for the past few days she stiffens her back and legs and pushes backwards. If I sit her on the floor in front of me with some toys, sometimes she plays for a short time while I support her lightly... other times, she arches her back and pushes backward again. The Bumbo? She tries to launch herself out backwards just when you think she is sitting calmly. The past two days have been really difficult - I've tried sitting her facing me, or sitting on my belly while I lie down... and 8 times out of 10 I get kicked in the gut/boob until I hold her standing up or against me instead.

She is certainly doing well with her her hands and coordination/reaching. And this kid is definitely strong - that much I'm not worried about! She has always been active, even if it's just constantly moving her feet in her chair or holding her toes when lying on the floor. Her head and neck are very strong, and bathtime, despite the rubber ducky, is not lots of fun. She starts out calm, sometimes sitting a little to play with her toes or a rubber ducky, but inevitably she arches back with superbaby strength and it takes two of us to hold her in for a speedy wash/rinse. Sometimes Ian has to hold her standing up, which she is quite content with. That's right, I said standing up...in her tub. Funny? Yes! Scary? Yes! She does like the pool though, so it's not a fear of water... our first trip into the pool this week was great fun, and she looked adorable in her ruffly Nemo bathing suit!

So what does all this mean? Is this progression typical? Do all babies start to learn new skills and then rebel for a while? Do I keep trying or am I pushing too hard? Is there something else going on? This is when I wish I had more friends on mat leave to compare notes with. I know that when she is wriggling away from me during a change or when I'm chasing her I'll miss the stationary days, but for now I just want to know everything is ok!

little miss perfect

2007-09-12T21:01:00.000-05:00

"It is better to live your own destiny imperfectly than to live an imitation of somebody else's life with perfection."

Ever since I was little, I have been a bit of a Type-A kind of girl - conscientious, strong student, and always trying to be good at everything... if not "perfect". So it comes as no surprise that a quest for perfection sometimes eats at me now as a new mommy. Wanting to be the perfect parent, the perfect wife, look put together, have my own creative/professional achievements, and have the perfect home despite having an infant daughter. Now these things aren't top of mind daily, but they do sit under the surface waiting to jump out at me in weak moments. It is only just now, as a new mother, that I'm slowly learning it's ok to just be imperfect and clumsy on many days.

I would rather share a laugh with my baby than fold the laundry, and this kind of imperfection I can master. I love, love being home with Sara and watching her grow. But the days can be long with a baby sometimes, and there can be off days. If I struggle to find some creative time just for me, if I get frustrated with Sara when she is refusing to nap and crying out of fatigue, or if I just want to savour instead of gobble a meal, I often start to think... Am I selfishly choosing myself over my child? What kind of parent am I? This may sound extreme unless you know my issues over sharing a gene pool with my father, who checked out when I was a teenager after being so seemingly 'there' when I was a kid. Last week those emotions led to some tears on my part after Sara had her own crying session. She looked up at me with big bewildered blue eyes, still moist from her own tears, and stopped sucking on her pacifier to just smile at me. With pure love, my baby was trying to comfort ME. I was reminded in that moment how much I want to raise her to be a generous, loyal and loving person, to have a strong relationship with her, and to share the person that is "me"...imperfect, but full of love for her.

a snapshot of our weekend

2007-09-09T18:53:00.001-05:00

From Friday night faux-hawk...
... to NFL Sunday: Week 1

last days of summer

2007-09-05T17:25:00.000-05:00

I took a little computer break for the last long weekend of summer (and then some)... it was a great few days of family, friends and lots of fun. On Saturday I had a much anticipated girls day of indulgence -- shopping all day with my sis, followed by dinner with our mom-in-law at North 44! An incredible dinner of lobster bisque, bison tenderloin and risotto (yes, bison - delicious) and a raspberry chocolate dessert.

On Sunday our little fam hit the beach at Balsam Lake, visiting good friends who were camping all weekend. It was Sara's first trip to the beach! She enjoyed watching the waves and all the people, but dipping her toes in teh water was short-lived because the water was pretty chilly! She played with her toys on our beach blanket quite happily, and after all the fresh air she zonked out immediately in the car.

On Monday we relaxed at home, and then yesterday I made a special delivery... some of my small paintings are officially for sale in a lovely baby boutique called Belly Bumps and Babies. I'm pretty excited about this venture, and am so happy that the store owners like my work so much to buy it wholesale.
I also completed a large commission for a client who requested two birds on a branch. Sara's napping is back to short and sweet lately, so I hope to have more painting time soon!

sitting pretty

2007-08-29T22:02:00.000-05:00

When Sara was a newborn, several people told us that a baby's crying peaks at 6 weeks. At first I was sure that this is just something people say to make first-time parents feel better, like 'No, you don't look fat in that', but it was true. I don't think Sara cried excessively or had colic, but she does have a good set of lungs. The crying really did diminish, settling our nerves, and now she mostly cries when she's tired ... and, apparently, teething. She has been grumpy on and off for unpredictable bursts lately during the day that stop as quickly as they start. I can only surmise that with all the drooling and voracious chomping on her Sophie the Giraffe and lobster teethers, there is a tooth on the way. Ironically, when she is crying she won't take a teether (but have I mentioned how much I love pacifiers?)

I've considered mentioning that Mommy knows all about trying to push something painful through a small spot for the first time, but this probably won't help. Instead I can only give extra cuddles and kisses and wait for a tiny white tip to appear on her gums.

This week I'm slowly teaching her how to sit on her own, which she is desperate to do! She starts out strong...
...and then gets a little tipsy!

baby talk

2007-08-28T12:03:00.000-05:00

Sara and I have started having conversations, and it is quite possibly the cutest, funniest thing I have ever seen. I discovered this by accident when I was making some sounds to get her giggles going -- I did the "THLPPPPPPPPP" thing where you blow air through your tongue and lips, and after a few times she repeated it after me! Her version is awesome. She purses her lips and blows softly, making little drooly bubbles, and then smiles with pride. The first day she did it twice, but this morning we had a full conversation this way! It's a pretty phenomenal thing to communicate with your baby, no matter what form it takes. Next I'll work on "Mommy"...

back to school

2007-08-24T09:43:00.000-05:00

I took Sara to register for the fall Mother Goose program at our local Early Years centre this morning, and I had been told to arrive at 9am sharp because the programs fill up fast... they weren't kidding. I wheeled the stroller through the door and was faced with a sea of squealing, chattering moms, babies and toddlers (lesson learned... leave the stroller in the car when entering a small crowded space). This may sound ridiculous, but my first thought was "Holy s**t, I AM a mommy now!!"

We got in, and Sara and I will have a busy social calendar for Sept and Oct -- Mother Goose on Thursday afternoons (it's during the long sought-after nap time, but it sounds fun and gives me some social time), a music program on Wed. mornings, and "Diaper Fit" on Tuesday mornings. I'm really looking forward to that one, as I'll be taking Sara into a pool for the first time! It's a light workout for moms, and the babies are in flotation devices that look like tugboats. Swim diapers are on my shopping list, as I don't want us to be responsible for any pool foulings!

And in my free time (ha), I have happy news about my art... I'm working on a large commission piece, and, a baby boutique has bought 4 of my paintings to sell in their store!! I'll be delivering them in the next week or two, and am very excited!

Bam Bam

2007-08-21T13:09:00.000-05:00

Sara has earned her first nickname - Bam Bam! She has a quirky habit of lifting both legs up in the air in her crib, and banging them down on the mattress with a resounding "THWUMP". She likes to do this in her sleep, sometimes on and off for hours of the night. It no longer keeps us up like it did the first few nights, and she's completely asleep while she does it - silly girl! I don't know how it doesn't hurt her feet. Apparently babies master a skill before moving on to a new one, so since she's got this one down... next! We may need to start strapping pillows to her feet!

Speaking of development, her naps seem to be getting more regulated (finally!) and she can easily reach and grasp things...and shove them in her mouth! I don't think we are far from her first tooth. Though she hasn't rolled over again yet, she wants to be pulled up to sitting all the time. She also pushes up with a lot more strength on her tummy. Rolling, sitting and scooting about are apparently supposed to happen in quick succession, so I'm getting ready. She also wraps her little hands around my face and neck when I hold her, and even cries sometimes now when I leave the room... makes it more difficult for me to get things done, but I love that she is showing attachment to her mommy!

altered states

2007-08-17T13:01:00.001-05:00

You might think it goes without saying, but I am in LOVE with my babe. I was talking (very emotionally) to I. last night about this journey of motherhood so far, and how far we've come. I will be honest, it was really tough in the beginning...we had some challenges, plus nothing, I mean nothing can prepare you for the sleep deprivation, baby cries, everything hurting, swollen and leaky boobs, and OH the hormones... all while facing the biggest adjustment of your life. I wasn't actually unhappy, and I loved her instantly, but in the early weeks I wasn't elated all the time like new moms are somehow expecting... which leads to crushing self-doubt and feelings of failure at what "should" be the most natural thing in the world. I was scared and unsure of everything. Any mom who says she didn't experience even a degree of these things is surely lying! I am eternally grateful to friends who validated and related to my feelings. I still sometimes have visions of horrible things happening to her, like me dropping her, which I'm now convinced is my protective instinct on overdrive.

Fast forward to now, our beautiful daughter at 4 1/2 months old. I am so happy with her and our little family that it almost feels like I'm going to bubble over - she amazes me. I really feel like a 'Mom' and wouldn't trade my new role for anything. She is thriving and I feel proud, competent, and stronger (but I still have blubbery jello abs.) I love holding her, playing with her, making her laugh, and starting every day by peeking into her room and seeing little pajama feet kicking in the air. I get teary and feel guilty thinking back to some of my early emotional moments, wishing I could have known what I know now. Girls, if you think parental guilt is bad, wait until you're the mom! But we're only just beginning. Though I am excited for all the things to come because it just keeps getting better, I also want to hang onto every moment we have together now during this summer of baby days.

happy birthday to me

2007-08-14T21:43:00.001-05:00

Today has been a great day, celebrating my birthday with my girl (who has been the best companion I could wish for), Ian, sis and bro-in-law... with not one, but TWO cakes! And wine - shocking! I like this pic because you can also see my first b-day card from Sara. Her penmanship is very impressive. Ian gave me flowers, chocolate, and a day of shopping... I can't wait. And even though I was getting presents, I also bought Sara some new plastic rings to play with because she loves them. Tonight I will go to bed feeling very full of love, happiness, gratitude... and cake!

4 months

2007-08-10T08:32:00.000-05:00

I've been an extremely negligent blogger lately, but I couldn't let my babe's 4 month birthday slip by! Sara is doing so well. This week I bought her Sophie the Giraffe since she's been jamming everything into her mouth, and she has been going to town on it. We also got her a combo exersaucer/jumper that is waiting to be put together. It looks so fun, I'd even like to play with it! Sara loves to be pulled up to sitting and standing so I hope she likes it too... she even tries to pull herself up from lying down by doing little curl ups. Her abs are better than mine!

I don't think I've shared Ian's favourite story to tell lately, which he lovingly calls 'Sara giving Mommy stinkface'... Sara was lying on her change mat, and just after a diaper change her bum felt warm through the new diaper-- hmm, did she poop already? I bent down to sniff her bottom first, and right at that moment she grabbed two fistfuls of my hair and shoved my face into her bum. And yes, she had most definitely pooped... She was giggling, and I didn't know whether to laugh or be disgusted. It was a bit of both as I passed yet another initiation into motherhood!

We've been busy with people moving and M&D's wedding tomorrow, and while waiting for Sara to settle into her naps (yep, still having trouble with those!) I've been spending an unhealthy amount of time here... I'm a late convert, but just couldn't fight it anymore. I'll either be obsessed with it, or totally over it in a couple of months!

I'll be back next week after the wedding. It's on a boat and the weather looks awesome, we're really looking forward to it. We're dropping Sara off with Grandma and Grandpa and then heading down to the hotel! Enjoy your weekends!

rock & roll

2007-08-01T12:35:00.000-05:00

Yesterday Sara rolled over for the first time! She was playing on her tummy, grabbing for toys (also for the first time!) and I was watching her thinking how great it is that she's starting to really like tummy time... and out the blue, she just flipped over onto her back! She looked up at me like it was no big deal. Once I got over being stunned, I started clapping. Her daddy was in the shower and had missed it, so I grabbed the video camera in hopes that she would do it again... no luck though!

It was a strange feeling to see Sara do such an independent movement. She has depended on us for every change in position and soon she will start doing things herself, which makes me both proud and wistful... a reminder to cherish each moment because babies change so fast!

look mom, I have toes!

2007-07-31T08:24:00.001-05:00

Sara has found her feet! Her favourite thing to do right now is hold her toes at any opportunity... before/after a nap, during diaper change, or while just lying on her mat. Adorable! I call it her yoga pose, upward-facing baby.

She also has enough hair on top of her head now to warrant brushing it. Yesterday I got to brush my little girl's hair for the first time!

stroller fit

2007-07-25T12:34:00.000-05:00

It's amazing how many things in your own community go undiscovered when you're working and commuting... yesterday Sara and I visited a small beach/lake a mere 10 minutes from our house, and today we went to a conservation area I had only driven by until now - and it's 5 minutes from home! It has fantastic trails, and I'm determined to get in shape and lose my mummy tummy, so I strapped Sara in the stroller and off we went.

Spot the sleeping baby...

We explored the maze of trails, and it's not for the rookie stroller pusher - the terrain is gravel and there are hills. Sara smiled happily as I huffed and puffed us along!

I felt great afterwards, and it's beautiful - we'll be going back often. It will be spectacular in the fall!

sitting around

2007-07-24T19:54:00.001-05:00

I introduced Sara to her Bumbo chair this week, because she has been pushing her head forward to sit up almost anywhere else I put her! She's getting used to it in small spurts. At first she has fun, then she straightens her legs and uses all of her superbaby strength to push back and up...supposedly babies can't get out of these things, but if anyone can it's Sara... so we don't leave her unattended in it! Another new thing is how she thumps her feet in her crib. When falling asleep at night she lifts one leg and thumps it down, then both legs, and she's asleep... it's hilarious. She does the same thing to shimmy herself backward in the crib. We put her to sleep at one end, and find her almost at the other end in the morning! Getting good nap time during the day is still tough with her sleeping only 30-45 mins at a time, but I'm relieved to learn that another babe did the same thing at this age... and it got better at around 4 1/2 months. I much prefer her sleeping through the night if I have to pick one right now!

So the girls' night out last Friday was really fun and a nice break, although I ended up coming home after all... at 4:30am... S. had pink eye so I didn't want to stay at her loft and risk catching it. We started at the loft eating, playing some games (sexual Pictionary was good times, nothing like a room full of girls shouting out things like 'cock ring!!!'), and of course having some drinks before hitting the bar for dancing. It was fun until it got too crowded and we were right under the speakers, and one too many sloshy men approached us. Definitely a good night, but my other mommy friend and I agreed -- we don't miss the bar scene!

undercover baby

2007-07-20T09:25:00.001-05:00

Sara is just big enough now to wear this adorable sunhat and matching shades, which we tried out the other day. She wasn't too happy getting them on, but then she liked her new look -- doesn't she look ready for going on a secret baby spy mission? This picture cracks me up every time I look at it.

She will be enjoying daddy/daughter time tonight and tomorrow while I have a ladies' night out for M's stagette, and then spend some solo time wandering around here tomorrow before coming home. He says they will stay up late eating pizza and drinking formula! Two of us are leaving our babes with their dads overnight for the first time, and laughed as we consulted each other on clothes... we haven't been to a bar in ages and don't exactly have copious amounts of bar clothes anymore! I'm sure I will have some entertaining tales next week!

-----------------
Just returned from Salsa Babies and had to share a cute story... Some little girls were watching us after finishing their dance class, and when I went to put Sara in her car seat, they all ran over and told me that she is their favourite baby! Six girls in leotards and tutus gathered around Sara, all talking at once, and told her that she will grow up to be a beautiful girl - they made me a very proud mommy! Maybe one day Sara will be a little ballerina too.

mall rats

2007-07-18T16:20:00.000-05:00

The mall can be a new mom's best friend, but it's not without its challenges. It can be tough maneuvering around slow walkers, people who stop suddenly, and don't even get me started about store layouts... Many stores just cram as much merchandise as possible into every space, forgetting that the people who shop during weekdays - moms and seniors - can often just look from afar. I've bumped the stroller into displays so far, and driven Sara over the bottom parts of racks that stick out, and frankly I don't care if I knock something on the floor (as long as it's not breakable)... it's my form of protest. Today a smug little teen working in a clothing store refused to let me by twice, and gave attitude to another mom who just asked if any change rooms were big enough for strollers. I seriously considered running over her foot.

Today I decided to feed Sara at the mall while running errands, so I asked for a cup with a bit of boiling water from MMMmuffins to heat the bottle (the lady charged me 25 cents... argh). Well, the water was just hot an dafter 5 minutes had barely left cold status. Uh oh! I snagged a comfy armchair the mall has set up, beside another mom feeding. I was so worried Sara wouldn't take it cold, but she did! And, she was so interested in her surrounding that she didn't cry at all during burping! Nevertheless, next time I'll stick to adding the powder to room temperature water. Sara even attracted her own little fan club of admirers, giving big smiles to them all. That's my girl!

Sara's first vacation

2007-07-17T08:06:00.000-05:00

We just returned from our first family vacation, to the cottage on Mackie Lake, and it was a success! Sara slept for most of the 3 1/2 hour car ride up, and though she was not a fan of having her life jacket put on for the boat ride over, the lull of the ride calmed her down. The first day was an adjustment period for her, and for us too! Babies do not travel light... our Rav4 was packed, how do people travel with small cars?? It was a bit cool and I had packed mostly summer clothes for her - oops - but less sun meant more time outdoors for Sara.

We were lucky to get a good sized bedroom in the cottage addition, quiet and removed from all the action (a portable fan is also key for the noise factor!) We stayed up until 1:30am the first night, pretty rare for us these days, and Sara woke up at 4am... yikes! She slept right through the other nights though, which was great. She had a good time, smiling and laughing a lot with her new friends, and enjoyed looking at all the trees and the lake. It was great to hang out with everyone -- we had delicious food, played some 'cottage Olympics' (BB gun target shooting, water balloon toss, bocce, etc...), poker, and even late night dancing after some drinks.

Sara was especially good during an international beer and appetizer tasting on Saturday afternoon (yum), when there were about 20 people there. She was very happy socializing, I just took her away for some quiet time once or twice. Her little friend Kathleen (2) cracked me up on Sunday morning... K was trying to read her a book but she just kept repeating "Baby Sara is so cute".

We were sad to leave, but Sara liked her life jacket on the way back and fell asleep in the boat. It feels like a huge accomplishment for us, and really boosted my confidence too!

3 months - oh my!

2007-07-10T15:32:00.000-05:00

I can hardly believe our little girl turned three months old on Sunday. Here we are at Grandma and Grandpa's, unfortunately with this wooden bird above us! This milestone has come with some surprises over the past few days. First, her crying during burping has suddenly started to decrease (just in time for our upcoming cottage trip on Thursday). Second, she asks to be pulled up to a sitting position, which she loves despite being a little wobbly still. Then yesterday morning came the biggest surprise. Sara peed while I was changing her, so I had to lift her up and use a wipe on her back. This made for a slippery babe, so I had to put her down on her side... and she immediately rolled over onto her tummy! I sat there for a minute, my jaw dropped, before grabbing the camera. Here she is, doing little bare bum push ups! (I'm not sure why her bum looks pink in the pic, it's not)
Another oddity of the past few days is more perplexing and frustrating. Sara has suddenly decided she's not down with her daytime napping. Today she napped for a grand total of 45 minutes from 7:30 am until now, I think she finally passed out and her mommy is not far behind her! She has bounced between happy and cranky, I've been getting nothing done, and despite showing all signs of being tired her eyes keep popping open every time I think I've finally gotten her to drift off. Yesterday I took her to the mall and she slept in her stroller, but with this heat wave we've spent enough time at the mall for now. The good side is that she is going to bed even earlier because of this -- I know, who am I to complain about a baby who sleeps from 8:30pm - 7:30-8am?! I don't want that to change, I just don't know what's going on during the day at the moment. Is this normal, or could it be part of a growth spurt? I do know that we both need her to take her daytime naps again soon! And... yep, she just woke up - only whole 15 minutes of sleep...

everybody salsa

2007-07-06T11:59:00.000-05:00

This morning Sara and I did our first Salsa Babies class. It's safe to say that it was more of a workout for me than for her! The class was fun and energizing, and is supposed to make new moms feel better about our bodies while shaking our hips and asses about with our babies in carriers. It did, although I was exhausted and when I took off the carrier I was totally sweaty - not too sexy! I was a bit nervous about bouncing Sara around after all of the spit up over the past few days, and she wouldn't take her morning nap before we left, but she has been much better today - she even dozed off a bit towards the end.
Sara just looked like she was taking it all in, listening to the music and watching us all in the mirror. She loves music and songs with actions, like 'the wheels on the bus', and I've been making up some silly songs. This morning she was fully laughing and giggling away, my new favourite sound!

spit happens

2007-07-05T20:09:00.000-05:00

We've had a busy week so I've got some catching up to do in a longer post!

I've wondered for a while about the possibility that Sara has some infant reflux, so over the past few days I've done some research...and I'm thinking my instinct is right. She is a happy baby overall but has many of the signs, such as frequent spit up (the last couple of days she has been a little fountain, especially while burping - oh, the laundry!), persistent hiccuping, arching back and crying after eating, some gagging/sputtering episodes while lying on her back -- but she doesn't have any trouble sleeping or eating or gaining weight, so there are no complications.

I've been surprised to learn how common it is in babies, and the vast majority get over it between six and 12 months. Until then, I'm going to speak to the doc at our three month checkup next week about maybe trying her on the version of her formula that is thickened with rice starch, which may help, as we already keep her upright during and after eating. If I'm right, talk about like mommy like daughter... fortunately she won't remember it to blame me when she grows up!

Speaking of eating, Sara is starting to put things in her mouth -- and she doesn't mess around! Today she decided that at least one of her toys must taste good. One by one she grabbed whatever I handed her and promptly smushed it into her face with a little snort. A few seconds later came "the face" - and she spat it out realizing it didn't taste quite as good as she thought it would! She was determined though, and this went on for a while before she settled back down with Soos (her pacifier). Maybe her discriminating taste will continue, so that I don't turn around one day to see my child happily sucking on a dust bunny off the floor....

Also, last weekend we had our first milestone as parents... our first night away from our baby! We went up north to a cottage, and we were originally planning to bring Sara until Ian's parents offered to babysit at their house. Thank goodness! I had never been to this cottage, and it's very tight quarters plus it had been cold so all 9 people were hanging out and sleeping inside instead of in tents... combine that with poker and loud music on until 3am, and we would have had one screaming baby. We didn't get much sleep either, ironically, but we had fun. It was great to let our guard down and just hang out chatting, swimming, dancing on the deck with the girls, and playing a round of 'frolf' - a makeshift golf course played with frisbees. I was ok until I was lying in bed, unable to sleep through the noise, and then I started really missing Sara. I would have given anything at that moment to see her and give her a kiss. It's funny how you look forward to a taste of your old life, but then you can't wait to get back to your baby. For me, it was reassuring that we really do want to be parents and that it has added so much more to our lives. Sara had a great time and slept well, which was also reassuring because she has two more nights with Grandma and Grandpa coming up for M&D's Jack & Jill and their wedding!

you know you're a mommy when...

2007-06-28T16:32:00.000-05:00

1. You just can't imagine your baby can get any cuter. We continually melt over Sara's smiles and giggles, repeating 'you are just so cute!'
2. You have warm spit up running down your neck and arm, or pee on your hand, and you wipe the baby first.
3. You're sitting at a day spa having a hot stone pedicure while Nana babysits, and while it's heavenly to have time for yourself, you still can't wait to scoop up your daughter and feel her cheek against yours.
4. You have held your baby's knees up, diaper open, trying to help her squeeze out a painful poo. Although you never imagined this humbling and otherwise yucky scene, you just want to help her feel better.
5. The prospect of maternity leave ending already produces much anxiety and uncertainty over what's to come next Spring... so for now you plan fun summer outings, try to squeeze in creative time to paint and craft, and hope desperately that it will all just work out!

crafting time

2007-06-26T13:23:00.000-05:00

I made a cloth book for Sara, and although the stitching is not exactly perfect, I was so excited to have time to be creative and make something. Sara is a great inspiration as I watch her explore and discover things, and it was so rewarding to see her smile and grab at the finished book! Here she is examining Mommy's handiwork quite studiously...

Sara has started chattering with us, making the cutest sounds, and last week she laughed for the first time! It's such a great sound. Her favourite pasttimes right now are playing on her Gymini, listening to songs, grabbing at our fingers and hand puppets, cramming as many of her fingers into her mouth as she can... and she has been sleeping all night! She likes being held up on our shoulders and being walked around too, now that she can hold her head up. I can hardly imagine her sitting on her own, it will be so strange.
The only real challenge we're having at the moment is that she becomes overstimulated and tired easily when there are several people around, and it takes longer than usual to settle her. We will have to keep trying until she gets used to socializing more!

recovering

2007-06-18T16:10:00.000-05:00

For any new moms looking to shed those last pregnancy pounds, I have found the secret... acquire a terrible stomach flu / food poisoning, spend 4 days in bed, and those pounds will just fly right off! It's been a horrible time... not exactly how I planned to regain a flat tummy. As if a bout like that isn't bad enough, poor little Sara had some of it and we were concerned she'd get dehydrated. She had a milder case, thank goodness, that cleared up after two days of the stinkiest diapers she's ever had! Ian had to take over caring for her, and it's awful to be unable to care for your baby, but I was just knocked out. I needed the rest and watched lots of TV, but was pretty miserable. Ironically, while adults aren't supposed to eat, especially not dairy, and drink water, infants are supposed to keep eating their milk-based formula - even more, in fact, to keep hydrated - and no water until they are eating solids.

Today I'm tired and feeling a little stir crazy in the house, but am on the road to recovery. I got to play with my little lady, and finally set up her new Gymini play mat. While it hasn't made tummy time any more appealing yet, she quite likes it! I swear she has changed over the past few days... her hair looks thicker, she has seemingly found her feet, and crying is decreasing now. We can also decipher her cries much more now, particularly 'burp me' and 'I've had enough and need a nap'. We're starting to put her into her crib earlier too, 9pm, since she typically falls asleep with one of us at that time anyway (or is fussy and needs to.) It seems silly to get her off to sleep just to wake her for a bottle at 10:30, but she needs the food ... and eating at 7pm and 9pm just seems too close together. Hmm, more trial and error!

weekend fun

2007-06-12T08:07:00.000-05:00

This weekend was a busy one but a good one for our little family. Some highlights...
* We bought a new couch and loveseat for our main floor living room, and I'm so excited about it! Now that we spend most of our time there, I really wanted better/nicer seating. It's our first grown up, non-Ikea big furniture purchase!
* Saturday night BBQ/hot tub party with close friends. Sara was quite content and looking adorable in one of her new sundresses. We brought a bedtime bottle for her, to experiment with putting her to sleep and then taking her home later, so that we could stay out past 9:30! It worked. Ian brought the car seat up to her crib and did a seamless transition at 1:00am... she didn't even wake up.
*Sunday morning smiles and cuddles with Sara followed by a morning nap.
* Ian and Sara had a great daddy/daughter afternoon while I went to a second bridal shower for Michelle. A fun 'adults' afternoon, I even wore heels!
*Last night Ian came home early enough that we could watch our first movie since Sara was born. Wow!

Yesterday my little one had her first round of immunizations. It was so hard to watch her get the needles and then immediately burst into tears. Thank goodness for Tempra! She came through like a champ and has had lots of extra cuddles. The doctor said Sara will likely be more sleepy, and she wasn't kidding... she's been sleeping a LOT since, including all night. No fever though, and I've enjoyed the extra time to sit outside with my book and start a new craft project -- a cloth book for Sara -- updates on that to come.

This morning we're going to the nearby park/lake before it gets too hot. I'm going to mix a bottle there as an experiment for our upcoming zoo trip on Friday, to see if she'll take it at room temperature. Fingers crossed!

baby bonding

2007-06-07T08:50:00.000-05:00

Last night I experienced one of my favourite moments with Sara so far. I put her PJ's on at around 10pm after a good family photo shoot with our friend Mike, and with only 15-20 minutes to go before her bedtime bottle, I didn't want to move her off the mat in our living room so instead I lay down next to her. As Sara's vision develops, she has been really good at tracking things for a couple of weeks, and she's often able to reach out and touch things. I softly called her name and talked to her. She quickly turned her head to look at me, smiled, and touched my face with her little hand. It was such an amazing feeling of love and bonding, and even brought a tear or two to my eyes! We just lay there and looked at each other for a while, and when she slowly dozed off I just listened to her breathing. What a wonderful way to end the day. Much love to my sweet baby girl!

party girl

2007-06-06T09:54:00.001-05:00

Sara wore this out on Saturday night, and it is very appropriate -- she doesn't like to miss a party! She was great at first but then got very overstimulated and fussy. She wouldn't go to sleep until we were in the car and away from all the action! Sometimes she'll still go to sleep anytime/anywhere, but for evening social events now we know to bring something for her to sleep in, in a quiet room. Going out with her will take some getting used to -- it's a lot more involved than just 'bringing the baby with you'. It requires planning, and, until I'm more comfortable with it, is very stressful if she's crying and won't settle. There are so many new things for her to adjust to as well now that she's no longer a sleepy newborn. We're going to take her to a baby-friendly cottage for a few days in July when she's just over 3 months old, hopefully she will enjoy it!

As for her musical taste, she hears a mix of nursery rhymes, Muppets and rock... and she was dancing in her bouncy chair to the Chili Peppers a couple of weeks ago... so we'll see where her taste lands!

2 months of motherhood

2007-06-02T13:04:00.000-05:00

Sara will be 8 weeks old tomorrow, and the time has both flown and trickled by. There have been many joyous and challenging times over the past 8 weeks as we're adjusting to parenthood and this new little person who has become a part of our lives forever. All through pregnancy we heard, and I was trying to process, that parenthood "changes everything" and that "it's not easy." The thing is, until it happens, you really can't know what that all means. You can't know what it means to feel this much love for someone... to try and find yourself in the person you were and the parent you are now... to feel fierce protectiveness and wake from recurring dreams of someone trying to take your baby away... to feel so triumphant when your daughter lets out the big burp you've been working so hard to get... to not mind the diaper changes because it lets me kiss her feet and belly... to desperately wish that she came with an instruction manual, usually when you find yourself crying with her... and to accept that often you just need a break, and that doesn't make you a bad parent.

Over the past 8 weeks we've been on a constant learning curve that will probably never end. I'm slowly learning not to cling to things from my life pre-baby, like the luxury of knowing exactly what I'll be doing in an hour, or even in 5 minutes. Letting go of the expectation that I can just analyze and figure everything out is also completely against my nature, but oh-so necessary. There's a certain sense of serenity that comes with this, with just accepting the blind fumbling and small victories of each day. I also know without question that it does indeed 'take a village' -- I have said it many times already, I just don't know how single moms do it! I would be lost without Ian, our family, our friends, our doctor, even the random acquaintances or people in the grocery store from whom I've gained sudden insights or shared stories.

This dose of chaos is probably good for me, and certainly is worth it. We are so lucky. It is getting easier, and I've really, really been craving time to be creative and paint/craft again... but I'm sure that will come, even if it requires a babysitter! And, I'll probably appreciate it much more now than I did before, and there will be many projects for Sara. Right now, I look at her and I see this precious little baby who won't be little for very long. I look forward to her being older for some things, but some of my favourite moments are cuddling on the couch with her, feeling her little hands grip my fingers, and being on the receiving end of her big smiles in the morning from her crib -- smiles just for her mom.

growing girl

2007-06-01T08:09:00.000-05:00

Sara has been having a growth spurt this week -- I was looking for it last week when she was 6 weeks old, and thought I may have missed the signs. This week, however, she has been draining her bottles and sleeping a lot more during the day. The sleep started first and she was fussing more, so I thought something was wrong, but now we know!

Fortunately the extra daytime sleep didn't mess up her nights too much... she has been really easy to put to bed after her 10:30 bottle, waking at 5 - 5:30 am. I just give her the pacifier and straighten out her blanket, figuring that taking her out of the crib will wake her more (I figure she'll need to keep the same diaper through the night anyway, unless I know it's dirty. She is totally slathered in vaseline!) She'll drift off pretty fast but some mornings the pacifier falls out and she starts fussing until it's back in, then goes to sleep again. Usually I can stretch her until her 7am feeding that way, but, last week she started at about 4:30am and I was in and out for the pacifier every 15-20 minutes... which means baby is sleeping, but mommy is not and daddy is already gone for work! She is trying extremely hard to suck her thumb when she wakes up, but isn't ready yet. Even when I put it in for her, she won't actually suck it. I want to try and break the habit of going in with the pacifier, but on the weekend when Ian is home to help. If I leave her to fuss too long she cries and is fully awake, and then no one is sleeping!

playtime

2007-05-29T08:33:00.000-05:00

My baby plays hard (the blur is from her hands and legs moving about)...
...and sleeps harder!

Sorry for the unrotated photos and gap in posting, things have been busy -- we've been getting out more, spending free time planning a wedding shower, and the past few days have been 'off' for Sara. I took her to the doc last night and she's fine, possibly a mild little virus to explain the extended daytime sleeping and fussiness when she has been awake. Hopefully today my little one feels better!
She is getting cuter everyday, and can now see much more. She is holding her head a little better, and can grab the rings on her toys as she is very busy finding her hands. She looks like she wants to suck her thumb, which would be ok by me to help her get to sleep at night... so I don't have to rescue her pacifier at 4am! She loves nursery rhymes and songs, her favourite is "The Rainbow Connection". She stares at me with big smiles everytime I sing it to her. My baby is probably the only person on earth who enjoys my singing! She is also very happy to learn that her favourite aunt and uncle will now be living on our street...very exciting! Kat made me laugh saying my sis-in-law and I may start wearing June Cleaver dresses, carrying cups of sugar across the street to one another.

Sara is now officially more chic than her mom, at only 7 weeks old. Yesterday my friend who works for Holt Renfrew brought her outfits from Baby Ralph Lauren and Dolce & Gabbana... ! I can't wait to put her new dress on for the shower on Sunday, fingers crossed she doesn't spit up on it! As for me, I still don't fit into any of my regular pants and many shirts... my hips and stomach are bigger, but my boobs are smaller - so unfair!!

our first mother's day

2007-05-15T08:37:00.000-05:00

Ok so this is two days late, but things don't always happen on schedule when you have a baby ruling the house! :)

It was both surreal and exciting to celebrate my first Mother's Day as a mom. I can't imagine a better gift than Sara. I'm still trying to wrap my head around my new identity as a mother - it's kind of like how some part of me still thinks I'm 20 years old, even though I know I'm not!! Ian went to a poker night on Saturday after taking Sara all day so that I could plant flowers in our garden, and then Grandma and Aunt Holly came for a sleepover. We had a lunch here on Sunday on our back porch. Sara was content in her bassinet covered with a great UV netting that M&K loaned to us. After everyone left, the three of us had a cuddle/nap on the couch.

Everyone says that I need to trust my own Mommy instincts with Sara, and I think I'm only beginning to figure out what those are. I've stopped reading the 'how-to' parenting books for now, and am only reading about developmental things or specific questions. All the trendy advice books are overwhelming and conflict with one another, or seem too rigid to apply to every individual baby. One thing I know for sure is that Sara is her own little person and we need to get to know her and her needs. I also need to develop more confidence as her mom and I think I've made some big strides with that in the past couple of weeks, though things change daily at this stage. Having a regular feeding schedule instead of feeding on demand, which happened by accident due to her early weight gain issues, has been an enormous help. We find a lot of her personality coming through too, like her big blue eyes discovering things, her furrowed brow when she's grumpy, her extreme love of stretching, and all of her kicking and moving her arms as though she's dancing. She also kind of pants in anticipation when we put her bib on because she knows food is coming! She likes to look at her mobile, toys and books now that she can see more, and she smiles at us a lot. I admit it does give me a complex when she's content and I pick her up for a cuddle, and she bursts into tears! Coping with fussy/crying periods in the evening is tough, but I'm told they will likely pass over the next few weeks.

Lastly, a very exciting development ... on Friday night we got a fantastic surprise: Sara slept through the night!! I have to say it again -- she slept through the night! We were floored. She had her 7pm bottle, then her 10:30 bottle (with her bum super slathered in Vaseline to ward off any wet diaper wake ups), and she conked out until her 7am feeding. She hasn't done it again, though she has been waking at 4am instead of 2:30 or 3am, so it's a start in the right direction!

some firsts at one month!

2007-05-09T13:49:00.000-05:00

Sara was one month old on Sunday, I can hardly believe it! She has had some big 'firsts' in the past few days, it seems like every day she has a new development.

1. No mittens! On Saturday I finally managed to cut her nails well, so the mittens have come off. So far no scratches, though she seems to be starting to find her hands sometimes. She'll get them in her face all the time when she stretches (which is very often, just like Dad) and then start to find them with her mouth like the pacifier for a minute or so.

2. Social butterfly: Saturday also marked her first day out visiting. We visited Grandma and Grandpa first (Grandpa loved feeding her a bottle for the first time), and then we went to a BBQ at M&K's place. Little Kathleen loves her new girlfriend, apparently she asks every morning before daycare if they are going to see 'Baby Sara'. It was a tiring day for me, but a good "normal" day... it was also my first time in their hot tub in almost a year!

3. Hold on tight! She would try to hold our fingers through her mittens, but now that they are off, she has an iron grip on our fingers at times... even when we are feeding her a bottle!

4. Toys: Sara will spend more time in her bouncy chair now, but loves lying on her play mat / change mat looking some of her toys. She will follow them with her eyes when I move them around, and slowly she is starting to grip parts of the Lamaze toys (love these) when I open her hands and clasp them around them.

5. Big girl diapers: She graduated to size 1 diapers, and though we had a couple of leaks at first due to not fastening tight enough (they seem so big compared to newborn diapers!) now she's comfortable.

6. Splish splash in the bath: Now that her bottom half sits right in the baby tub, she actually likes the bath. Ian got some great video of her bath last night, she was all smiles as we poured warm water over her with the plastic fish cup. She likes the water on the warm end of the safe temperature range, just like her mom!

7. Shopping with mom! I braved the mall with her for the first time yesterday, and it went well! She was awake for the first 20 minutes or so and then dozed off for the rest until we got home to eat. It's amazing how much room I take up in an aisle now... and how many people stop me to comment on how cute she is! One older lady touched her cheek briefly after assuring me her hands were clean, which was weird because she didn't ask first, but she was very nice.

8. Pacifiers are a lifesaver: Sara loves her pacifier, and often when all other things have been checked first, often a cry is just for her pacifier and she calms right away. It also helps get her to sleep!

Nighttime is still hit and miss, but after 3 not so good nights, finally we had a good one last night, like we were starting to have last week. Everyone says 6-8 weeks is the magic time, especially as she is bottle feeding, and we're at 4 1/2 weeks now, so we'll see!

Week 4 developments

2007-05-03T11:10:00.000-05:00

I hope that my recent posts honestly expressing the challenges of caring for a newborn and sleep deprivation don't come across the wrong way... my baby Sara is gorgeous and amazing, and while there is a lot to adjust to, I can't imagine our life without her! It's hard to believe she'll be a month old on Sunday. You want to get through the difficult early weeks, but you also don't want to miss a moment of how quickly they grow.

I could be wrong, but I think she is going to stay blonde... there is a touch of red in her hair like mine, but not as much as these pictures seem to show. This week she is getting more alert during the day, giving big smiles, and starting to like her bouncy chair now that her neck is getting stronger. Tummy time is still challenging because she usually cries after a few minutes, but some days are more successful. I'm also having to learn fast how to be independent for meals, laundry, showering, even getting dressed while on my own with her! It's pretty good when she's content, but forget it if she's fussy! I imagine I'll do more things while she's napping in a few more weeks, but right now she keeps me pretty busy. Plus, I want to try to sleep when she sleeps, advice many friends have stressed!

Have I mentioned how long her feet are? She doesn't fit newborn socks! They are, in my opinion though, the cutest feet I've ever seen. Every time I change her and get a peek, I have to kiss each one a few times. Now that it's warming up and she'll be in a onesie more often, I'll have even more access. On Saturday we'll take her to see Grandma and Grandpaw on the way to M&K's house for a BBQ, her first time out visiting instead of people coming here.

p.s. last night was good but I'm scared to say that in writing - not sure if it was pure luck, adjusting to day/night, or the things we've been trying, but it's one night at a time... and it gives me some hope!

Sleepy time?

2007-05-02T11:09:00.000-05:00

Sara has given me some super cute big smiles this morning, which I just love - and we're going to go for a walk soon since it's so nice outside. It almost makes me forget that she would just not go to sleep last night after her 11pm bottle ... Ian fed her so I could sleep, but of course I couldn't fall asleep hearing everything (argh!). Then I tried, and though she wasn't upset after a diaper change, she was just totally AWAKE. She even took about 20 minutes to fall asleep after the next bottle which is very unusual. Then she slept from 7:30am - 10:30am this morning, but do you think I could sleep with her? Though I was exhausted, I was on the couch and just couldn't do more than doze here and there. Hmmm, here's hoping tonight is better so that mom gets more than a couple of hours sleep!

Just us girls

2007-05-01T15:27:00.000-05:00

On Saturday night, my MIL stayed overnight and gave Ian and I a full night's sleep -- wow!! I didn't realize how much we needed it, it was awesome.

Sara is growing well, she weighed in at 9lbs 5oz this week, up from 8lbs 9oz the week before. She is a hungry girl! We more or less have her on a good four hour feeding routine now, which I really want to stick to, taking 4oz each time. We're working hard at distinguishing nighttime and bedtime too, and she has been quicker to fall asleep so far. She is showing some signs of needing 5oz at some feeds now though. She has woken twice each night between her 11pm and 7am feed for the past few nights, which is really hard for my own sleep, and I can only hold her off for so long! I'm wondering if she is needing more food during the day/evening, or if the second wake up could be a wet diaper bothering her... I can hold off her feeding longer at that time once I've changed her (though I held her to sleep last time in an effort to get more than 2 hours sleep myself, which may have been a mistake.) So, I'm going to try some 5oz bottles and a thicker diaper cream than Vaseline to keep moisture away, and see if it helps.

Ian is working 6am - 4pm (usually later) for the next 5 weeks, so I'm on all weekday night feedings/wake ups, which is tough. Can't wait for his help on the weekends! This is also my full week on my own with Sara, which is good for us but also a new challenge. Yesterday we had fun together, although at her doctor's checkup while I was waiting for him to come in and she was naked on the examination table, she pooped in three separate installments, and then proceeded to pee everywhere! Funny, but messy!

Challenges in week 3

2007-04-27T12:01:00.000-05:00

A gassy and/or constipated baby is not a happy baby. The past couple of days/nights have been rough, Sara was awake almost all day yesterday with gas and what we assume were also constipation pains. She finally had a very formed poop last night that was obviously difficult for her to get out. Then when Ian gave her the 11pm bottle, she took until 1:45 am to put to sleep -- only to wake a half hour later for her next feed. We were not in good form, to say the least. We have tried giving her some gripe water, the alcohol-free kind, and it helped -- first a little in the afternoon, and then that's what seemed to get her to sleep at 1:45am. She did finally sleep after the next two feeds, and now we're monitoring her poops. She seems a bit better today, but we're really struggling with the night thing right now, especially with Ian back to work and getting up early. I've had help during the day but I miss having him here, and it's awful when we argue in the middle of the night out of frustration even though it blows over. Until she goes to sleep faster again after her last evening bottle, I may be doing all the night feeds... sleep deprivation comes with the territory, I know, but it's really hard!

Our baby girl is growing

2007-04-25T10:01:00.000-05:00

At Monday's checkup, Sara had gained 5 ounces since the previous Thursday! Success! I was so relieved I almost cried, this time happy tears. She had a full exam and is doing great, and we are also feeling much better. The main thing we're trying to figure out is how often to feed her. She seems to like every 3 hours right now, and has downed the past few 4oz bottles, but she is in her third week so I'm anticipating a few days of growth spurt feeding. She had an 11pm bottle and was awake at 2:45am, but then she slept after that bottle to almost 7:30am. We had decided that maybe 11pm is the latest bottle we want to give before putting her down, it is nearly impossible for us to stay awake any later, so the other feeds are the tricky thing to figure out backing up from there. We want her to be full enough to last as long as possible during the night, and most books' advice is based on breastfeeding schedules instead of bottles (go figure.) We're not sure when the 4 hour schedule will start! Maybe I'll try 5pm and 8pm, then the 11pm bottle? Talk about trial and error!

Grandma and Nana are both helping out this week as Ian has gone back to work. He really misses her, and things aren't going very well with his job and his hours. Yesterday we had Sara in her bouncy chair for the first time without crying! Hopefully she is starting to like it as her neck gets stronger and she discovers the little toys hanging from the mobile.

some pics from week 2

2007-04-22T12:38:00.001-05:00

Calming down after her bath in the soft baby wrapper towel. Bathtime is not 'lots of fun' quite yet!
Sara kicking back in her bassinet, loving her new pacifier (as are we!) This is in the living room for daytime/evening, as she doesn't like her bouncy chair or swing just yet!

Hangin' with mom.

from boob to bottle

2007-04-21T11:31:00.000-05:00

On Thursday I made an incredibly emotionally complicated and difficult decision -- I am no longer breastfeeding, we have switched Sara to formula/bottle feeding. We had so many challenges with breastfeeding, and although I know it takes a while for both mom and baby to learn, ultimately I am confident that this is the best decision for our family. It was very difficult for me, in terms of the soreness, frequency, mastitis, and emotional stress it was causing me -- but then we also discovered that although I certainly had enough milk, Sara just wasn't taking enough. Not only had she not been gaining any weight since reaching her birth weight again, she had actually started to lose some weight. The last visit to the lactation consultant was positive in some ways, as we had finally gotten the latch right, but I was going to have to feed her every 2 hours (from start of one feed to start of next) plus supplement with formula after each feed until she started gaining. At this point I really felt like I had given it my all, and I was beside myself about the whole situation and getting concerned with Sara's well being.

Many, many tears were shed over this decision. It is so difficult, you want to do what is best for your baby (and you!). What I've learned is that breastfeeding is not necessarily what is best, not for every family. There is such an extreme pressure from 'the establishment' that breastfeeding is the only way for our generation, which made it so hard to decide. Believe me, you pressure/guilt yourself enough -- you don't need external pressure too. I admit that in the past I have looked a little judgmentally on some people who have 'given up', but now I really regret having done so because you truly have no idea until you are in the situation yourself. Ian, my family, and our close friends are all behind the decision, I know, and I am happy to say that even my lactation consultant fully supported me doing what I feel is best. She stopped breastfeeding her first baby, and knows firsthand what I have been going through. There are many factors to this decision, not only for the baby, but also for me, in order to be a good mom to Sara.

In the past two days things have gotten much better. Sara is learning to stay awake and drink, and is now taking in much more food (which we can monitor). We are feeding her every 3 hours until she gets weighed again on Monday. She also seems much more content and is not crying nearly as much, which I can only assume was at least partially because she was hungry in the beginning. I am also feeling better. Finally someone else can feed her too, I can see what she's getting, and I can really start to enjoy time with her more!

Ian has been absolutely amazing through all of this, I can't imagine how I would be managing without him. Much love and gratitude to him!!

I'll post some new photos soon when I have a chance to pull them off the camera.

the first days of motherhood

2007-04-17T09:58:00.000-05:00

I have to admit, honestly -- I didn't realize how intense and hard being a new mom can be. The first 9 days has been a rollercoaster of emotions and hormones, tears and frustration over breastfeeding, and talks with friends who have been there and say it's all completely normal... though it's hard to believe that when you're in the midst of it all!

It's very difficult to feel so much love for this little baby when it's accompanied by hormonal ups and downs, fatigue, and frustration over breastfeeding in particular... which is very hard for both mom and baby to learn. It's been a major source of stress. Sara is very strong and her head and hands are all over the place when I'm trying to get her latched on, which makes me frustrated even though I try not to be. And, just when I thought we were getting a bit better at it, yesterday I developed mastitis on the left boob. Fortunately we caught it early and I'm on antibiotics, but I had a fever yesterday which made me feel all that much worse. My doctor is wonderful, he's known me for almost 20 years, and he wants to see us every week to give us support until we gets things worked out.

My friends say it gets better, the first 2-6 weeks or so are really hard - and not to listen to the people who say it's a breeze - and they say breastfeeding gets easier if I can get over the hump... I really hope that's true!

introducing Sara!

2007-04-13T16:14:00.000-05:00

Here's our 'sweet pea', Sara, in her bassinet and enjoying some tummy time!

She was born at 7:55am on Sunday, April 8 at 8lbs 4oz., and 21.5 inches long. I went into labour on my own, and it was long - 20 hours of early labour, contractions 3-5 mins apart, then we finally were able to be admitted when I was 3cm dilated. Epidural was ready -- oh what a wonderful thing it is! I was fully dilated in a matter of hours and I thought it would be a piece of cake from there... but, I wasn't able to push effectively with the epidural and they had to turn it off. Even though it was supposed to last partially for another 2 hours, it was 3 1/2 hours of pushing followed by a vaccuum delivery at the end (with no epidural left.) It was so worth it in the end, and suddenly she came out crying and I of course starting bawling. What a moment!! But anyone who says you forget the pain is someone who had the epidural the whole time or is lying!!

She is doing really well, had her first trip to the doctor for a checkup yesterday. Unfortunately we also had our first trip to the ER this week... she is totally fine, but she had brought up some blood. FULL panic ensued on my part... as it turns out, I've been having trouble getting the hang of breastfeeding (which is very emotionally distressing and much more intense than I expected) and she had ingested some blood from me. I've since learned this is quite common and one of my friends had the exact same thing happen. We had a lactation consultant come over the next day and we are making progress.

We are both very tired of course, and I've been really emotional and weepy this week, but she is just so amazing. I am so in love with her -- I can't even describe how it feels. But, daddy has her right now and I think she's hungry, so gotta go!

41 weeks

2007-04-05T11:12:00.000-05:00

We had a big day yesterday, Ian took me for an ultrasound before my checkup to make sure Sweet Pea is still ok now that I'm a week overdue — and everything is good! She is even lower than last week, which I didn’t think possible, but it explains the fun new discomforts I’m having over the past week (I'll spare you.) Get this though... the ultrasound showed her weighing in at 9 lbs!! If it's true, when you stop laughing, please wish me luck with that. Maybe I can figure out a way to dilate to 2ocm instead of the usual 10...

My O.B. said that ultrasounds very often overestimate a baby's size by as much as 1 1/2 lbs at this stage. He doesn't want me to worry, he's seen tall women have a 7lb baby get stuck, and tiny women deliver 9lb babies no problem. It was great to get a sneak peek, we got to see her face. And, 'she' is 99% definitely a 'she'. She had her legs crossed at first, but then we saw girl parts - no boy parts - phew!

There’s no progress on my part though, so it looks like I will be induced for an Easter delivery this weekend.

After we left, we went back to the baby store for a nursing bra, and yes... we scooped up two pairs of BabyLegs!

Ian will be calling some people, but we're not sure if he'll have access to email before we bring the baby home. No guarantees when I'll be back to post with pictures, but it will be as soon as I can. Happy Easter everyone, and have some chocolate eggs for me on Sunday!

boobs and baby gear

2007-04-03T14:01:00.000-05:00

I really felt like something was starting to 'happen' yesterday, but today, nothing so far. Yesterday I was happily distracted by starting to plan my best friend's bridal shower for June with some of the girls. But today, going a little stir crazy, I decided to venture out, cell phone in hand, to a local baby boutique that I keep hearing about called Baby-ola. This place is fantastic! I went in search of a good nursing bra after doing a little research first (surprise, surprise) and they carry the Bravado line I was interested in. The staff is fantastic and helped me determine what my size will likely be (me, a DD?? If I go back to my pre-pregnancy weight, look out!) The first two styles I tried on were really comfortable and supportive, but are a pullover sports bra style. Being pretty inexperienced in nursing bra shopping, I just wasn't totally sure about that style for under summer clothes. I may still pick one up for under t-shirts, but ended up ordering this one instead to start -- and no, not because I want to be cool like Jennifer Garner. It only takes a couple of days to come in, so either I'll go back to pick it up myself on Thursday, or I'll need someone to get it for me!

They also have amazing baby gear, like the baby wrapper towel that we have, feeding and sleeping accessories, and these BabyLegs. I instantly fell in love with these little leg warmers, which are also very practical, and don't know why I didn't buy any today. I'm definitely picking up a pair... or two... when I go back.

p.s. Happy birthday Jessica!

still pregnant

2007-04-02T09:06:00.000-05:00

Our March baby will now officially be an April baby. There's no weekend news to report, and no April Fool's delivery! Argh... Have you ever seen the episode of the Simpsons where Lisa is trying to get through the night without calling a hotline for her celeb crush? Unable to do anything, she just sits and listens to the repetitive sounds of Marge's knitting needles clacking and Maggie sucking on her pacifier. That's kind of how I'm feeling now, only it's my knitting needles clacking as I try to knit a baby outfit to keep myself occupied.

Anyway, I spent much of yesterday in a state of distraction, edginess and some anxiety over impending labor and delivery. I do have some, but not all, pre-labor symptoms. Last night/this morning I've had some increased pressure and cramping, mostly when switching positions for sleeping, but I'm not sure if it means anything yet. While last week I was motivated to walk, do yoga, and even squats (bad idea -- my thighs were killing me for 2 days), now I don't really feel like *doing* anything but watching tv or reading. So, we ended up spending most of yesterday watching hours of the Next Ultimate Fighter marathon on TV. That should tell you how much I'm not quite myself! At least I did some yoga stretches.

Tonight is a full moon which apparently tends to coincide with an increased birth rate (and reduced chance of private hospital room availability!) Sis- and brother-in-law gave us the cutest 'just hatched' Easter onesie this weekend... the question is, will it be her first Easter family dinner outfit, or her hospital outfit?

happy due date

2007-03-29T12:54:00.000-05:00

Today is THE due date, but nothing is happening yet except some house cleaning, cooking and reading. I'm actually feeling pretty calm over the past couple of days, deciding to more or less take it easy and let things happen. Although, so far I've been told both sex and chocolate can speed things up... so this waiting thing CAN be fun! Ian keeps asking "Are you in labour yet?"... "Are you in labour now?"... soon, we hope!

This morning I went to pick up some milk at the grocery store, and spotted the much coveted spot right by the door. Just as I was starting to pull into it, a 50-something year old man driving an obnoxious mid-life crisis canary yellow sports car cut in front of me and parked there. In MY spot! I made some unfriendly gestures at him and made sure that he saw my gigantic belly when I got in the store. He wasn't hard to spot, wearing a stupid yellow ski jacket that matched his car (ick). He looked at me, and I gave him my best bitch-face glare, but if he felt even the slightest bit bad he didn't let on. And then to top it off... he just made it in front of me in the express checkout line! My hormones were right on the brink of letting me tell him off but I didn't want to cause a scene... although maybe that would have put me into labor... heh heh.

Over the past couple of days I finished knitting the little kimono sweater, it's cute and with the little side ties will be easy to get on and off of her. I'm not confident in how nicely I finished the tiny bit of side-seam sewing that was required, but I don't think it's coming apart!

I also did another little painting, 16"x16". My criteria was simple... something simple and sort of graphic, that I could start and finish within a few hours, and that has my favourite green. It was inspired by, of all things, a spring table runner I bought a few weeks ago.

An Easter delivery??

2007-03-27T14:25:00.000-05:00

Well, I had a checkup today and am frustrated to say that nothing is happening yet — the baby seems ready, but I, apparently am not. The baby is extremely low but my cervix hasn't moved at all... and therefore no dilation. So much for being early!

I have an ultrasound next Wednesday to check on things, because my back up induction date is 10 days after the due date (the earliest available date at the hospital.) Get this... It’s Easter Sunday!! Of course I could still go into labour on my own, and I'm trying to focus on the fact that we're both healthy instead of being discouraged or upset - but being extra tired and hormonal is making that a bit of a challenge. Please, please send us positive thoughts ... I don’t want to deliver the Easter Bunny!!

the picture of patience?

2007-03-25T10:20:00.000-05:00

Ian took this belly pic on Friday night just before we headed over to our friends' place for the evening. They live only a few blocks away from us, so it was a comfortable distance. Their house goes up for sale tomorrow though, so I had to promise not to have my water break on their carpet!

Maybe it's nervous energy but today we're going to Sears or Canadian Tire to look at some inexpensive rugs for our living room, where we'll spend most of the baby's awake time. We have hardwood floors on our entire main floor and I keep worrying about it being uncomfortable for playtime, and eventually, crawling. We're trying to be patient, although it's getting harder for both of us since it seemed that I'd be early. I've never been good at waiting for anything... and when we woke up today Ian said, only half-jokingly, that if we get started soon we could be almost done by dinner!

biding time

2007-03-23T12:59:00.000-05:00

After having a bad sleep the past two nights then being stuck in the house yesterday while it poured rain, this morning I was excited to get out for a waddle and some fresh air to check out some little shops in our town that I've been hearing about. I was tempted to spends tons of money ... but I was good and just bought a cool striped tea towel (on sale) that will be sewn into a pillow for a certain little someone's room as she gets a bit older. It's by a London designer I hadn't seen before, Cath Kidston. I LOVE her colours and fabrics, and I can think of a couple of you who will too. Apparently our local store is one of her only Canadian vendors and they have a lot of the merchandise.

The nesting thing has diminished from obsession status, as I've now cleaned virtually every surface in our house. This has sparked a revelation ... I thought I was more or less on top of 'keeping house' while working full time. However, given the gobs of dust I've wiped from on top of or behind furniture, plus the clutter I've dealt with (seriously, receipts and souvenirs from our trip to Maine *last August*? Orphan buttons that came off of god knows what article of clothing?) I've realized how completely wrong I was. Yes ladies, housewives just have cleaner houses. As odd as it may sound, I actually feel better now. It's also nice to know we're bringing our baby home to a clean house... at least for the first few days!

I also just finished reading Shopaholic & Baby. Highly recommend it for anyone preggers now or has been recently, or who yearns to 'be the girl with the hot pink pram'! I wanted something light and fun, and the rest of the Chapters selection just wasn't cutting it... Young girl gets abducted by crazed appliance repairman? Nope. Couple has baby in the 1920s, who turns out to have Down Syndrome and is institutionalized? Don't think so. Sophie Kinsella's latest was a great read... and although it was written with humour, yes, I still cried when she had the baby.