Challenges in week 3

A gassy and/or constipated baby is not a happy baby. The past couple of days/nights have been rough, Sara was awake almost all day yesterday with gas and what we assume were also constipation pains. She finally had a very formed poop last night that was obviously difficult for her to get out. Then when Ian gave her the 11pm bottle, she took until 1:45 am to put to sleep -- only to wake a half hour later for her next feed. We were not in good form, to say the least. We have tried giving her some gripe water, the alcohol-free kind, and it helped -- first a little in the afternoon, and then that's what seemed to get her to sleep at 1:45am. She did finally sleep after the next two feeds, and now we're monitoring her poops. She seems a bit better today, but we're really struggling with the night thing right now, especially with Ian back to work and getting up early. I've had help during the day but I miss having him here, and it's awful when we argue in the middle of the night out of frustration even though it blows over. Until she goes to sleep faster again after her last evening bottle, I may be doing all the night feeds... sleep deprivation comes with the territory, I know, but it's really hard!

Our baby girl is growing

At Monday's checkup, Sara had gained 5 ounces since the previous Thursday! Success! I was so relieved I almost cried, this time happy tears. She had a full exam and is doing great, and we are also feeling much better. The main thing we're trying to figure out is how often to feed her. She seems to like every 3 hours right now, and has downed the past few 4oz bottles, but she is in her third week so I'm anticipating a few days of growth spurt feeding. She had an 11pm bottle and was awake at 2:45am, but then she slept after that bottle to almost 7:30am. We had decided that maybe 11pm is the latest bottle we want to give before putting her down, it is nearly impossible for us to stay awake any later, so the other feeds are the tricky thing to figure out backing up from there. We want her to be full enough to last as long as possible during the night, and most books' advice is based on breastfeeding schedules instead of bottles (go figure.) We're not sure when the 4 hour schedule will start! Maybe I'll try 5pm and 8pm, then the 11pm bottle? Talk about trial and error!

Grandma and Nana are both helping out this week as Ian has gone back to work. He really misses her, and things aren't going very well with his job and his hours. Yesterday we had Sara in her bouncy chair for the first time without crying! Hopefully she is starting to like it as her neck gets stronger and she discovers the little toys hanging from the mobile.

some pics from week 2

Calming down after her bath in the soft baby wrapper towel. Bathtime is not 'lots of fun' quite yet!
Sara kicking back in her bassinet, loving her new pacifier (as are we!) This is in the living room for daytime/evening, as she doesn't like her bouncy chair or swing just yet!

Hangin' with mom.

from boob to bottle

On Thursday I made an incredibly emotionally complicated and difficult decision -- I am no longer breastfeeding, we have switched Sara to formula/bottle feeding. We had so many challenges with breastfeeding, and although I know it takes a while for both mom and baby to learn, ultimately I am confident that this is the best decision for our family. It was very difficult for me, in terms of the soreness, frequency, mastitis, and emotional stress it was causing me -- but then we also discovered that although I certainly had enough milk, Sara just wasn't taking enough. Not only had she not been gaining any weight since reaching her birth weight again, she had actually started to lose some weight. The last visit to the lactation consultant was positive in some ways, as we had finally gotten the latch right, but I was going to have to feed her every 2 hours (from start of one feed to start of next) plus supplement with formula after each feed until she started gaining. At this point I really felt like I had given it my all, and I was beside myself about the whole situation and getting concerned with Sara's well being.

Many, many tears were shed over this decision. It is so difficult, you want to do what is best for your baby (and you!). What I've learned is that breastfeeding is not necessarily what is best, not for every family. There is such an extreme pressure from 'the establishment' that breastfeeding is the only way for our generation, which made it so hard to decide. Believe me, you pressure/guilt yourself enough -- you don't need external pressure too. I admit that in the past I have looked a little judgmentally on some people who have 'given up', but now I really regret having done so because you truly have no idea until you are in the situation yourself. Ian, my family, and our close friends are all behind the decision, I know, and I am happy to say that even my lactation consultant fully supported me doing what I feel is best. She stopped breastfeeding her first baby, and knows firsthand what I have been going through. There are many factors to this decision, not only for the baby, but also for me, in order to be a good mom to Sara.

In the past two days things have gotten much better. Sara is learning to stay awake and drink, and is now taking in much more food (which we can monitor). We are feeding her every 3 hours until she gets weighed again on Monday. She also seems much more content and is not crying nearly as much, which I can only assume was at least partially because she was hungry in the beginning. I am also feeling better. Finally someone else can feed her too, I can see what she's getting, and I can really start to enjoy time with her more!

Ian has been absolutely amazing through all of this, I can't imagine how I would be managing without him. Much love and gratitude to him!!

I'll post some new photos soon when I have a chance to pull them off the camera.

the first days of motherhood

I have to admit, honestly -- I didn't realize how intense and hard being a new mom can be. The first 9 days has been a rollercoaster of emotions and hormones, tears and frustration over breastfeeding, and talks with friends who have been there and say it's all completely normal... though it's hard to believe that when you're in the midst of it all!

It's very difficult to feel so much love for this little baby when it's accompanied by hormonal ups and downs, fatigue, and frustration over breastfeeding in particular... which is very hard for both mom and baby to learn. It's been a major source of stress. Sara is very strong and her head and hands are all over the place when I'm trying to get her latched on, which makes me frustrated even though I try not to be. And, just when I thought we were getting a bit better at it, yesterday I developed mastitis on the left boob. Fortunately we caught it early and I'm on antibiotics, but I had a fever yesterday which made me feel all that much worse. My doctor is wonderful, he's known me for almost 20 years, and he wants to see us every week to give us support until we gets things worked out.

My friends say it gets better, the first 2-6 weeks or so are really hard - and not to listen to the people who say it's a breeze - and they say breastfeeding gets easier if I can get over the hump... I really hope that's true!

introducing Sara!

Here's our 'sweet pea', Sara, in her bassinet and enjoying some tummy time!

She was born at 7:55am on Sunday, April 8 at 8lbs 4oz., and 21.5 inches long. I went into labour on my own, and it was long - 20 hours of early labour, contractions 3-5 mins apart, then we finally were able to be admitted when I was 3cm dilated. Epidural was ready -- oh what a wonderful thing it is! I was fully dilated in a matter of hours and I thought it would be a piece of cake from there... but, I wasn't able to push effectively with the epidural and they had to turn it off. Even though it was supposed to last partially for another 2 hours, it was 3 1/2 hours of pushing followed by a vaccuum delivery at the end (with no epidural left.) It was so worth it in the end, and suddenly she came out crying and I of course starting bawling. What a moment!! But anyone who says you forget the pain is someone who had the epidural the whole time or is lying!!

She is doing really well, had her first trip to the doctor for a checkup yesterday. Unfortunately we also had our first trip to the ER this week... she is totally fine, but she had brought up some blood. FULL panic ensued on my part... as it turns out, I've been having trouble getting the hang of breastfeeding (which is very emotionally distressing and much more intense than I expected) and she had ingested some blood from me. I've since learned this is quite common and one of my friends had the exact same thing happen. We had a lactation consultant come over the next day and we are making progress.

We are both very tired of course, and I've been really emotional and weepy this week, but she is just so amazing. I am so in love with her -- I can't even describe how it feels. But, daddy has her right now and I think she's hungry, so gotta go!

41 weeks

We had a big day yesterday, Ian took me for an ultrasound before my checkup to make sure Sweet Pea is still ok now that I'm a week overdue — and everything is good! She is even lower than last week, which I didn’t think possible, but it explains the fun new discomforts I’m having over the past week (I'll spare you.) Get this though... the ultrasound showed her weighing in at 9 lbs!! If it's true, when you stop laughing, please wish me luck with that. Maybe I can figure out a way to dilate to 2ocm instead of the usual 10...

My O.B. said that ultrasounds very often overestimate a baby's size by as much as 1 1/2 lbs at this stage. He doesn't want me to worry, he's seen tall women have a 7lb baby get stuck, and tiny women deliver 9lb babies no problem. It was great to get a sneak peek, we got to see her face. And, 'she' is 99% definitely a 'she'. She had her legs crossed at first, but then we saw girl parts - no boy parts - phew!

There’s no progress on my part though, so it looks like I will be induced for an Easter delivery this weekend.

After we left, we went back to the baby store for a nursing bra, and yes... we scooped up two pairs of BabyLegs!

Ian will be calling some people, but we're not sure if he'll have access to email before we bring the baby home. No guarantees when I'll be back to post with pictures, but it will be as soon as I can. Happy Easter everyone, and have some chocolate eggs for me on Sunday!

boobs and baby gear

I really felt like something was starting to 'happen' yesterday, but today, nothing so far. Yesterday I was happily distracted by starting to plan my best friend's bridal shower for June with some of the girls. But today, going a little stir crazy, I decided to venture out, cell phone in hand, to a local baby boutique that I keep hearing about called Baby-ola. This place is fantastic! I went in search of a good nursing bra after doing a little research first (surprise, surprise) and they carry the Bravado line I was interested in. The staff is fantastic and helped me determine what my size will likely be (me, a DD?? If I go back to my pre-pregnancy weight, look out!) The first two styles I tried on were really comfortable and supportive, but are a pullover sports bra style. Being pretty inexperienced in nursing bra shopping, I just wasn't totally sure about that style for under summer clothes. I may still pick one up for under t-shirts, but ended up ordering this one instead to start -- and no, not because I want to be cool like Jennifer Garner. It only takes a couple of days to come in, so either I'll go back to pick it up myself on Thursday, or I'll need someone to get it for me!

They also have amazing baby gear, like the baby wrapper towel that we have, feeding and sleeping accessories, and these BabyLegs. I instantly fell in love with these little leg warmers, which are also very practical, and don't know why I didn't buy any today. I'm definitely picking up a pair... or two... when I go back.

p.s. Happy birthday Jessica!

still pregnant

Our March baby will now officially be an April baby. There's no weekend news to report, and no April Fool's delivery! Argh... Have you ever seen the episode of the Simpsons where Lisa is trying to get through the night without calling a hotline for her celeb crush? Unable to do anything, she just sits and listens to the repetitive sounds of Marge's knitting needles clacking and Maggie sucking on her pacifier. That's kind of how I'm feeling now, only it's my knitting needles clacking as I try to knit a baby outfit to keep myself occupied.

Anyway, I spent much of yesterday in a state of distraction, edginess and some anxiety over impending labor and delivery. I do have some, but not all, pre-labor symptoms. Last night/this morning I've had some increased pressure and cramping, mostly when switching positions for sleeping, but I'm not sure if it means anything yet. While last week I was motivated to walk, do yoga, and even squats (bad idea -- my thighs were killing me for 2 days), now I don't really feel like *doing* anything but watching tv or reading. So, we ended up spending most of yesterday watching hours of the Next Ultimate Fighter marathon on TV. That should tell you how much I'm not quite myself! At least I did some yoga stretches.

Tonight is a full moon which apparently tends to coincide with an increased birth rate (and reduced chance of private hospital room availability!) Sis- and brother-in-law gave us the cutest 'just hatched' Easter onesie this weekend... the question is, will it be her first Easter family dinner outfit, or her hospital outfit?