I have to admit, honestly -- I didn't realize how intense and hard being a new mom can be. The first 9 days has been a rollercoaster of emotions and hormones, tears and frustration over breastfeeding, and talks with friends who have been there and say it's all completely normal... though it's hard to believe that when you're in the midst of it all!
It's very difficult to feel so much love for this little baby when it's accompanied by hormonal ups and downs, fatigue, and frustration over breastfeeding in particular... which is very hard for both mom and baby to learn. It's been a major source of stress. Sara is very strong and her head and hands are all over the place when I'm trying to get her latched on, which makes me frustrated even though I try not to be. And, just when I thought we were getting a bit better at it, yesterday I developed mastitis on the left boob. Fortunately we caught it early and I'm on antibiotics, but I had a fever yesterday which made me feel all that much worse. My doctor is wonderful, he's known me for almost 20 years, and he wants to see us every week to give us support until we gets things worked out.
My friends say it gets better, the first 2-6 weeks or so are really hard - and not to listen to the people who say it's a breeze - and they say breastfeeding gets easier if I can get over the hump... I really hope that's true!
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As I was stepping out of the shower this morning (I tend to have most of my--ha ha--"deep thoughts" in the shower) I was thinking about you and about the whole notion of childbirth/rearing. Because I wondered why there would be so much pain and hardship involved in something that's supposed to be so natural and real and necessary to our existence. And I guess the best I could come up with was: "that which does not kill us makes us stronger" ...and more appreciative of what we have and the people and family around us and our special, special children.
Chin up. You will get through this. Kind of like the birth: because you have to! But you don't have to be alone in it all. It really is true: it takes a village. Call on others (me, for example) for help/support...or even just an adult conversation. And don't feel guilty for "grr-ing" a little bit in Sara's direction. Human beings are frustrating, even from the very start!
xox!
congrats on such a beautiful little girl... the first few weeks esp if breastfeeding isn't going well can be hard... feel free to email me (kirsty@rogers.com) as I have some resources in the area that might help out
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