new year's eve gone wild

Ok, get a cuppa tea because this is a longer post -- I'm unloading some end-of-the-year (and perhaps hormonally-driven) thoughts!

So my New Year's Eve plans are not exactly wild this year. For the past several years we've gone to house parties, but this year the plans are less low key. Sure, I hit the dance floor at my company holiday party a month ago and had a blast doing it for about 20 minutes until I got really tired. But, busting a move in a crowded noisy club in downtown Toronto, at 7 months pregnant, then crashing at 2 or 3am in a hotel is just not in the cards (I can barely get comfortable sleeping in my own bed at 11 pm). So Ian and I are having a quiet night in for the first year ever -- I thought that maybe*next* year would be a quieter one unless grandparents offer to babysit! But, to be honest, I'm really looking forward to it, I'm even a little relieved. Our plans for a homemade seafood feast of scallops, shrimp and crab legs will be yummy. I haven't been much of a New Year's Eve person for a few years, and this just seems so much more relaxed.

So why the angst?

I've had an irrational (or not?) fear of how our social life will change when the baby comes. We have great, supportive friends whom I love. The truth is, I care what people think. Always have. I'm hard on myself. I'm afraid of not being 'cool mom', of missing out, or feeling pressure to do everything as though the baby hasn't changed our lives. There are even some things I'm not up for doing now, when I'm super-tired and can't walk/stand/sit in any one position for too long. I suppose this makes some sense. I'm 31 -- I've spent a lot of years with myself as an adult, an adult with a social life and career and hobbies. Fortunately, in some ways I think this makes me more adjusted and ready to be a mom, and I definitely feel ready for that.

We plan to stay as social as we can, not just for ourselves but we both feel that it's an important part of our child being well-adjusted. And it's not like our friends do very baby un-friendly things, and we do have friends with kids -- even a few years ago I would have had more to worry about. And, thanks to my defective esophagus, I haven't been able to go out drinking in about five years (not that I had any aspirations to be like Britney, and even with mommy brain I'm quite sure I'll remember to put on underwear). But, I guess we really won't know how things will or won't change until it happens. So is all this worry selfish and immature? I don't think so. I just want to be sure that I find a balance, ease up on myself, and keep our most important relationships close in what I hope is the happiest and most fulfilling time of our lives.

On a lighter note, I am excited to kick off 2007. Our baby will be born, our best friends are getting married, and there are lots of fun events to come. I don't usually bother with New Year's resolutions, but this year I'm thinking of things I want to accomplish during maternity leave. I realize this may be a futile effort, but here's what I've come up with:

1. Get out of the house -- go to 'baby and me' yoga, take advantage of free programs at the Early Years centre, go for walks with the baby.
   
2. Read one novel a month.
   
3. Make time to knit and paint, including giving our baby things handmade just for her.
   
4. Don't forget to take care of myself too (I have a spa gift certificate waiting in the wings!)
   
5. Most importantly, have a blissfully loving, fun and happy year with our new daughter.
   

Happy New Year to us all!

time off?

I was so excited to have a week off of work during the holidays, and enjoy what is nearly my last time of doing nothing -- and everything I want -- for the next um, 18 years or so. And I have had lots of relaxation time, but it hasn't been in the same way I normally would. You see, I've come to the realization this week that I'm not just "going to be a mom"... I AM a mom, though I'm fumbling towards a realization of what that really means. Going through this week without work and holiday plans to occupy me, I've become acutely aware of how much my life has changed already... and will change dramatically forever in just a few short months.

I've watched movies, eaten my fair share of Hello Dolly bars and gingerbread, and indulged in daytime TV. But... I also picked up a new book that I can't wait to delve into -- The Birth House, by Ami McKay. I went boxing week shopping, and wandered into Sears to find that our crib mattress and mobile goes on sale this weekend. I organized all of my loose recipes into a binder in an effort to keep my food passion going when the baby comes, instead of just cooking the basics. I talked to my belly a lot and read her Guess How Much I Love You. And, I thought a lot about how much excitement and nervous anticipation we feel in getting ready to meet this tiny new member of our family.

I am amazed at how much love I already feel for this new little person who has taken over my body, my daily thoughts, and, my heart.

27 weeks and welcome!

This week I'm finally getting going on this new blog. My pregnancy journey has been an amazing trip so far... and with the holidays almost over, March 29, 2007 seems like it will be here in the blink of an eye!

A quick status report for this inaugural entry...

Baby's Gender: Girl (so they tell us!)
Belly Measurement (at 24 weeks): 26 cm (My doctor guessed right on before measuring, I guess he's done this a few times...)
Weight Gain So Far: 25 pounds... I think
Newest Cool Experience: Baby flips and baby hiccups! On a couple of occasions my belly has pulsed rhythmically for about five minutes, and I've felt an almost freaky wave-like motion as the baby turns over/around in the private pool in hotel belly.
So Hip it Hurts: My newest not-so-cool experience? Major hip pain each night while sleeping, causing me to wake up several times a night in a signal to roll over. During pre-natal massage this week they both felt bruised as my therapist worked on them. Putting a pillow between my knees doesn't help much. The only apparent solution? Delivery.
Baby's Nickname: Sweet Pea. I wanted to give her a nickname for when I talk to my belly, and after trying a few out, this one has stuck.
Winter Coat Status: The toggles on my pea coat don't do up at the bottom, but the zipper is just barely hanging in there. A puffy ski jacket on loan is waiting in the wings... I will look like the Michelin Man when I bust it out. Let's hope for another balmy winter in Toronto.
Energy Level: Not bad. By late afternoon I crave a nap and I still can't stay up too late.
Naming Baby: We think we have settled on her first name, and Ian is picking her middle name. "Have you picked a name yet?" has to be one of the questions I get asked the most (after "how are you feeling?" or "are you having any weird food cravings?") and we've decided to keep it a surprise until we introduce her to everyone. Honestly, after a few conversations with people about names, we realized that everyone has an opinion or a suggestion... it became too stressful for me!

I don't know if I have just one reason for starting this blog. It's likely a mix of wanting to share and preserve this new journey, stay connected with friends and family during maternity leave, share baby pictures, and be inspired by other new moms. Oh yes, and I must harbour deluded notions of having oodles of time on my hands during maternity leave.

I look forward to many baby-obsessed adventures in 2007. Happy holidays!