new year's eve gone wild

Ok, get a cuppa tea because this is a longer post -- I'm unloading some end-of-the-year (and perhaps hormonally-driven) thoughts!

So my New Year's Eve plans are not exactly wild this year. For the past several years we've gone to house parties, but this year the plans are less low key. Sure, I hit the dance floor at my company holiday party a month ago and had a blast doing it for about 20 minutes until I got really tired. But, busting a move in a crowded noisy club in downtown Toronto, at 7 months pregnant, then crashing at 2 or 3am in a hotel is just not in the cards (I can barely get comfortable sleeping in my own bed at 11 pm). So Ian and I are having a quiet night in for the first year ever -- I thought that maybe*next* year would be a quieter one unless grandparents offer to babysit! But, to be honest, I'm really looking forward to it, I'm even a little relieved. Our plans for a homemade seafood feast of scallops, shrimp and crab legs will be yummy. I haven't been much of a New Year's Eve person for a few years, and this just seems so much more relaxed.

So why the angst?

I've had an irrational (or not?) fear of how our social life will change when the baby comes. We have great, supportive friends whom I love. The truth is, I care what people think. Always have. I'm hard on myself. I'm afraid of not being 'cool mom', of missing out, or feeling pressure to do everything as though the baby hasn't changed our lives. There are even some things I'm not up for doing now, when I'm super-tired and can't walk/stand/sit in any one position for too long. I suppose this makes some sense. I'm 31 -- I've spent a lot of years with myself as an adult, an adult with a social life and career and hobbies. Fortunately, in some ways I think this makes me more adjusted and ready to be a mom, and I definitely feel ready for that.

We plan to stay as social as we can, not just for ourselves but we both feel that it's an important part of our child being well-adjusted. And it's not like our friends do very baby un-friendly things, and we do have friends with kids -- even a few years ago I would have had more to worry about. And, thanks to my defective esophagus, I haven't been able to go out drinking in about five years (not that I had any aspirations to be like Britney, and even with mommy brain I'm quite sure I'll remember to put on underwear). But, I guess we really won't know how things will or won't change until it happens. So is all this worry selfish and immature? I don't think so. I just want to be sure that I find a balance, ease up on myself, and keep our most important relationships close in what I hope is the happiest and most fulfilling time of our lives.

On a lighter note, I am excited to kick off 2007. Our baby will be born, our best friends are getting married, and there are lots of fun events to come. I don't usually bother with New Year's resolutions, but this year I'm thinking of things I want to accomplish during maternity leave. I realize this may be a futile effort, but here's what I've come up with:

1. Get out of the house -- go to 'baby and me' yoga, take advantage of free programs at the Early Years centre, go for walks with the baby.
   
2. Read one novel a month.
   
3. Make time to knit and paint, including giving our baby things handmade just for her.
   
4. Don't forget to take care of myself too (I have a spa gift certificate waiting in the wings!)
   
5. Most importantly, have a blissfully loving, fun and happy year with our new daughter.
   

Happy New Year to us all!