On Thursday I made an incredibly emotionally complicated and difficult decision -- I am no longer breastfeeding, we have switched Sara to formula/bottle feeding. We had so many challenges with breastfeeding, and although I know it takes a while for both mom and baby to learn, ultimately I am confident that this is the best decision for our family. It was very difficult for me, in terms of the soreness, frequency, mastitis, and emotional stress it was causing me -- but then we also discovered that although I certainly had enough milk, Sara just wasn't taking enough. Not only had she not been gaining any weight since reaching her birth weight again, she had actually started to lose some weight. The last visit to the lactation consultant was positive in some ways, as we had finally gotten the latch right, but I was going to have to feed her every 2 hours (from start of one feed to start of next) plus supplement with formula after each feed until she started gaining. At this point I really felt like I had given it my all, and I was beside myself about the whole situation and getting concerned with Sara's well being.
Many, many tears were shed over this decision. It is so difficult, you want to do what is best for your baby (and you!). What I've learned is that breastfeeding is not necessarily what is best, not for every family. There is such an extreme pressure from 'the establishment' that breastfeeding is the only way for our generation, which made it so hard to decide. Believe me, you pressure/guilt yourself enough -- you don't need external pressure too. I admit that in the past I have looked a little judgmentally on some people who have 'given up', but now I really regret having done so because you truly have no idea until you are in the situation yourself. Ian, my family, and our close friends are all behind the decision, I know, and I am happy to say that even my lactation consultant fully supported me doing what I feel is best. She stopped breastfeeding her first baby, and knows firsthand what I have been going through. There are many factors to this decision, not only for the baby, but also for me, in order to be a good mom to Sara.
In the past two days things have gotten much better. Sara is learning to stay awake and drink, and is now taking in much more food (which we can monitor). We are feeding her every 3 hours until she gets weighed again on Monday. She also seems much more content and is not crying nearly as much, which I can only assume was at least partially because she was hungry in the beginning. I am also feeling better. Finally someone else can feed her too, I can see what she's getting, and I can really start to enjoy time with her more!
Ian has been absolutely amazing through all of this, I can't imagine how I would be managing without him. Much love and gratitude to him!!
I'll post some new photos soon when I have a chance to pull them off the camera.
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4 comments:
I know you're like me in the sense that you're not one to give up at the first (or second or seventy-second) hurdle. I also know you're like me in the whole realm of decision making. So, as much as I can't really know what you've gone through, I've got a pretty good idea. And I'm sorry you had to experience this, but your tone at the end of this post indicates you're on the right path. And yay! for that.
Now...let's book a time when I can see her!
xox!
I have two other friends with new babies who have also recently made the difficult decision to go from boob to bottle and you know what?
In BOTH cases mom, dad and baby are not only healthier, but WAY happier. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about it - just wait and see how chubby and happy Sara's going to be!
Added bonus? Grandma can take the baby, Mom and Dad can have date night!
You summed it up so well and so glad that you are happy! I did the exact same thing as you, tried, tried and tried and the best thing for the whole family was to switch. It's a hard decision to make and the pressure is enormous, and good for you for doing whats best for you and your family.
You made the RIGHT decision - the best mommy decision!!!!
I struggled for three months trying to nurse Emma - I never got more than 1 1/2 hours sleep at a time during the entire "ordeal". When I finally decided to go the formula route, I cried for days. All I could think was "I'm such a bad mother" - but then I realized that it was better for the ENTIRE family - I was being selfish and the decision was me being a great mother! When it came time to move Ethan over from nursing (I began having issues with cracking/bleeding nipples, it was really hard again, but it was much easier to make the decision. AND, it was much easier to nurse the second time round - I made it to 5 1/2 months!
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