from boob to bottle

On Thursday I made an incredibly emotionally complicated and difficult decision -- I am no longer breastfeeding, we have switched Sara to formula/bottle feeding. We had so many challenges with breastfeeding, and although I know it takes a while for both mom and baby to learn, ultimately I am confident that this is the best decision for our family. It was very difficult for me, in terms of the soreness, frequency, mastitis, and emotional stress it was causing me -- but then we also discovered that although I certainly had enough milk, Sara just wasn't taking enough. Not only had she not been gaining any weight since reaching her birth weight again, she had actually started to lose some weight. The last visit to the lactation consultant was positive in some ways, as we had finally gotten the latch right, but I was going to have to feed her every 2 hours (from start of one feed to start of next) plus supplement with formula after each feed until she started gaining. At this point I really felt like I had given it my all, and I was beside myself about the whole situation and getting concerned with Sara's well being.

Many, many tears were shed over this decision. It is so difficult, you want to do what is best for your baby (and you!). What I've learned is that breastfeeding is not necessarily what is best, not for every family. There is such an extreme pressure from 'the establishment' that breastfeeding is the only way for our generation, which made it so hard to decide. Believe me, you pressure/guilt yourself enough -- you don't need external pressure too. I admit that in the past I have looked a little judgmentally on some people who have 'given up', but now I really regret having done so because you truly have no idea until you are in the situation yourself. Ian, my family, and our close friends are all behind the decision, I know, and I am happy to say that even my lactation consultant fully supported me doing what I feel is best. She stopped breastfeeding her first baby, and knows firsthand what I have been going through. There are many factors to this decision, not only for the baby, but also for me, in order to be a good mom to Sara.

In the past two days things have gotten much better. Sara is learning to stay awake and drink, and is now taking in much more food (which we can monitor). We are feeding her every 3 hours until she gets weighed again on Monday. She also seems much more content and is not crying nearly as much, which I can only assume was at least partially because she was hungry in the beginning. I am also feeling better. Finally someone else can feed her too, I can see what she's getting, and I can really start to enjoy time with her more!

Ian has been absolutely amazing through all of this, I can't imagine how I would be managing without him. Much love and gratitude to him!!

I'll post some new photos soon when I have a chance to pull them off the camera.

boobs and baby gear

I really felt like something was starting to 'happen' yesterday, but today, nothing so far. Yesterday I was happily distracted by starting to plan my best friend's bridal shower for June with some of the girls. But today, going a little stir crazy, I decided to venture out, cell phone in hand, to a local baby boutique that I keep hearing about called Baby-ola. This place is fantastic! I went in search of a good nursing bra after doing a little research first (surprise, surprise) and they carry the Bravado line I was interested in. The staff is fantastic and helped me determine what my size will likely be (me, a DD?? If I go back to my pre-pregnancy weight, look out!) The first two styles I tried on were really comfortable and supportive, but are a pullover sports bra style. Being pretty inexperienced in nursing bra shopping, I just wasn't totally sure about that style for under summer clothes. I may still pick one up for under t-shirts, but ended up ordering this one instead to start -- and no, not because I want to be cool like Jennifer Garner. It only takes a couple of days to come in, so either I'll go back to pick it up myself on Thursday, or I'll need someone to get it for me!

They also have amazing baby gear, like the baby wrapper towel that we have, feeding and sleeping accessories, and these BabyLegs. I instantly fell in love with these little leg warmers, which are also very practical, and don't know why I didn't buy any today. I'm definitely picking up a pair... or two... when I go back.

p.s. Happy birthday Jessica!