baby bonding

Last night I experienced one of my favourite moments with Sara so far. I put her PJ's on at around 10pm after a good family photo shoot with our friend Mike, and with only 15-20 minutes to go before her bedtime bottle, I didn't want to move her off the mat in our living room so instead I lay down next to her. As Sara's vision develops, she has been really good at tracking things for a couple of weeks, and she's often able to reach out and touch things. I softly called her name and talked to her. She quickly turned her head to look at me, smiled, and touched my face with her little hand. It was such an amazing feeling of love and bonding, and even brought a tear or two to my eyes! We just lay there and looked at each other for a while, and when she slowly dozed off I just listened to her breathing. What a wonderful way to end the day. Much love to my sweet baby girl!

party girl

Sara wore this out on Saturday night, and it is very appropriate -- she doesn't like to miss a party! She was great at first but then got very overstimulated and fussy. She wouldn't go to sleep until we were in the car and away from all the action! Sometimes she'll still go to sleep anytime/anywhere, but for evening social events now we know to bring something for her to sleep in, in a quiet room. Going out with her will take some getting used to -- it's a lot more involved than just 'bringing the baby with you'. It requires planning, and, until I'm more comfortable with it, is very stressful if she's crying and won't settle. There are so many new things for her to adjust to as well now that she's no longer a sleepy newborn. We're going to take her to a baby-friendly cottage for a few days in July when she's just over 3 months old, hopefully she will enjoy it!

As for her musical taste, she hears a mix of nursery rhymes, Muppets and rock... and she was dancing in her bouncy chair to the Chili Peppers a couple of weeks ago... so we'll see where her taste lands!

2 months of motherhood

Sara will be 8 weeks old tomorrow, and the time has both flown and trickled by. There have been many joyous and challenging times over the past 8 weeks as we're adjusting to parenthood and this new little person who has become a part of our lives forever. All through pregnancy we heard, and I was trying to process, that parenthood "changes everything" and that "it's not easy." The thing is, until it happens, you really can't know what that all means. You can't know what it means to feel this much love for someone... to try and find yourself in the person you were and the parent you are now... to feel fierce protectiveness and wake from recurring dreams of someone trying to take your baby away... to feel so triumphant when your daughter lets out the big burp you've been working so hard to get... to not mind the diaper changes because it lets me kiss her feet and belly... to desperately wish that she came with an instruction manual, usually when you find yourself crying with her... and to accept that often you just need a break, and that doesn't make you a bad parent.

Over the past 8 weeks we've been on a constant learning curve that will probably never end. I'm slowly learning not to cling to things from my life pre-baby, like the luxury of knowing exactly what I'll be doing in an hour, or even in 5 minutes. Letting go of the expectation that I can just analyze and figure everything out is also completely against my nature, but oh-so necessary. There's a certain sense of serenity that comes with this, with just accepting the blind fumbling and small victories of each day. I also know without question that it does indeed 'take a village' -- I have said it many times already, I just don't know how single moms do it! I would be lost without Ian, our family, our friends, our doctor, even the random acquaintances or people in the grocery store from whom I've gained sudden insights or shared stories.

This dose of chaos is probably good for me, and certainly is worth it. We are so lucky. It is getting easier, and I've really, really been craving time to be creative and paint/craft again... but I'm sure that will come, even if it requires a babysitter! And, I'll probably appreciate it much more now than I did before, and there will be many projects for Sara. Right now, I look at her and I see this precious little baby who won't be little for very long. I look forward to her being older for some things, but some of my favourite moments are cuddling on the couch with her, feeling her little hands grip my fingers, and being on the receiving end of her big smiles in the morning from her crib -- smiles just for her mom.

growing girl

Sara has been having a growth spurt this week -- I was looking for it last week when she was 6 weeks old, and thought I may have missed the signs. This week, however, she has been draining her bottles and sleeping a lot more during the day. The sleep started first and she was fussing more, so I thought something was wrong, but now we know!

Fortunately the extra daytime sleep didn't mess up her nights too much... she has been really easy to put to bed after her 10:30 bottle, waking at 5 - 5:30 am. I just give her the pacifier and straighten out her blanket, figuring that taking her out of the crib will wake her more (I figure she'll need to keep the same diaper through the night anyway, unless I know it's dirty. She is totally slathered in vaseline!) She'll drift off pretty fast but some mornings the pacifier falls out and she starts fussing until it's back in, then goes to sleep again. Usually I can stretch her until her 7am feeding that way, but, last week she started at about 4:30am and I was in and out for the pacifier every 15-20 minutes... which means baby is sleeping, but mommy is not and daddy is already gone for work! She is trying extremely hard to suck her thumb when she wakes up, but isn't ready yet. Even when I put it in for her, she won't actually suck it. I want to try and break the habit of going in with the pacifier, but on the weekend when Ian is home to help. If I leave her to fuss too long she cries and is fully awake, and then no one is sleeping!

playtime

My baby plays hard (the blur is from her hands and legs moving about)...
...and sleeps harder!

Sorry for the unrotated photos and gap in posting, things have been busy -- we've been getting out more, spending free time planning a wedding shower, and the past few days have been 'off' for Sara. I took her to the doc last night and she's fine, possibly a mild little virus to explain the extended daytime sleeping and fussiness when she has been awake. Hopefully today my little one feels better!
She is getting cuter everyday, and can now see much more. She is holding her head a little better, and can grab the rings on her toys as she is very busy finding her hands. She looks like she wants to suck her thumb, which would be ok by me to help her get to sleep at night... so I don't have to rescue her pacifier at 4am! She loves nursery rhymes and songs, her favourite is "The Rainbow Connection". She stares at me with big smiles everytime I sing it to her. My baby is probably the only person on earth who enjoys my singing! She is also very happy to learn that her favourite aunt and uncle will now be living on our street...very exciting! Kat made me laugh saying my sis-in-law and I may start wearing June Cleaver dresses, carrying cups of sugar across the street to one another.

Sara is now officially more chic than her mom, at only 7 weeks old. Yesterday my friend who works for Holt Renfrew brought her outfits from Baby Ralph Lauren and Dolce & Gabbana... ! I can't wait to put her new dress on for the shower on Sunday, fingers crossed she doesn't spit up on it! As for me, I still don't fit into any of my regular pants and many shirts... my hips and stomach are bigger, but my boobs are smaller - so unfair!!