emotional rollercoaster

Last night consisted of two emotional and hormonally-fueled crying sessions. The first was prompted by confessing to Ian how I've been feeling this past week or so, which is largely freaked out/scared/nervous about both labour and what life will be like as a brand new mom. I have felt guilty enough about feeling this way, but compounding it is the fact that everywhere I turn, people are telling me how excited and happy I must be. Of course I am, and of course I appreciate why they are saying that, but trust me... when you are having an emotional day and you can't smile back with 100% conviction, the guilt meter goes through the roof. I feel our innocent little baby wiggling around in my belly, who will just need me and be clueless of me being anything but her mom, and I feel like a horrible person for dwelling on anything less.

I got about four words into telling Ian this, and the tears came flooding out. It was a blubbering, 'I'm a bad mom already!!' kind of scene. He made me feel much better and assured me that there is nothing wrong with me, so I do feel better today.
The second crying session of the night? We watched 'Barnyard' (yes, the cartoon), and one sad scene involves a parent and child... with Peter Gabriel's 'Father, Son' playing in the background, no less... too much!!

On different note... here's another CD that looks promising called For the Kids. I found it by Googling lyrics to The Rainbow Connection, which I plan to sing to her when out of range of the baby monitor! It's covered by Sarah McLachlan on this CD. There are also fun tracks by the Barenaked Ladies (La, La, La, Lemon!) and Cake, plus a more questionable one by Tom Waits...