you know you're a mommy when...

1. You just can't imagine your baby can get any cuter. We continually melt over Sara's smiles and giggles, repeating 'you are just so cute!'
2. You have warm spit up running down your neck and arm, or pee on your hand, and you wipe the baby first.
3. You're sitting at a day spa having a hot stone pedicure while Nana babysits, and while it's heavenly to have time for yourself, you still can't wait to scoop up your daughter and feel her cheek against yours.
4. You have held your baby's knees up, diaper open, trying to help her squeeze out a painful poo. Although you never imagined this humbling and otherwise yucky scene, you just want to help her feel better.
5. The prospect of maternity leave ending already produces much anxiety and uncertainty over what's to come next Spring... so for now you plan fun summer outings, try to squeeze in creative time to paint and craft, and hope desperately that it will all just work out!

crafting time

I made a cloth book for Sara, and although the stitching is not exactly perfect, I was so excited to have time to be creative and make something. Sara is a great inspiration as I watch her explore and discover things, and it was so rewarding to see her smile and grab at the finished book! Here she is examining Mommy's handiwork quite studiously...


Sara has started chattering with us, making the cutest sounds, and last week she laughed for the first time! It's such a great sound. Her favourite pasttimes right now are playing on her Gymini, listening to songs, grabbing at our fingers and hand puppets, cramming as many of her fingers into her mouth as she can... and she has been sleeping all night! She likes being held up on our shoulders and being walked around too, now that she can hold her head up. I can hardly imagine her sitting on her own, it will be so strange.
The only real challenge we're having at the moment is that she becomes overstimulated and tired easily when there are several people around, and it takes longer than usual to settle her. We will have to keep trying until she gets used to socializing more!

recovering

For any new moms looking to shed those last pregnancy pounds, I have found the secret... acquire a terrible stomach flu / food poisoning, spend 4 days in bed, and those pounds will just fly right off! It's been a horrible time... not exactly how I planned to regain a flat tummy. As if a bout like that isn't bad enough, poor little Sara had some of it and we were concerned she'd get dehydrated. She had a milder case, thank goodness, that cleared up after two days of the stinkiest diapers she's ever had! Ian had to take over caring for her, and it's awful to be unable to care for your baby, but I was just knocked out. I needed the rest and watched lots of TV, but was pretty miserable. Ironically, while adults aren't supposed to eat, especially not dairy, and drink water, infants are supposed to keep eating their milk-based formula - even more, in fact, to keep hydrated - and no water until they are eating solids.

Today I'm tired and feeling a little stir crazy in the house, but am on the road to recovery. I got to play with my little lady, and finally set up her new Gymini play mat. While it hasn't made tummy time any more appealing yet, she quite likes it! I swear she has changed over the past few days... her hair looks thicker, she has seemingly found her feet, and crying is decreasing now. We can also decipher her cries much more now, particularly 'burp me' and 'I've had enough and need a nap'. We're starting to put her into her crib earlier too, 9pm, since she typically falls asleep with one of us at that time anyway (or is fussy and needs to.) It seems silly to get her off to sleep just to wake her for a bottle at 10:30, but she needs the food ... and eating at 7pm and 9pm just seems too close together. Hmm, more trial and error!

weekend fun

This weekend was a busy one but a good one for our little family. Some highlights...
* We bought a new couch and loveseat for our main floor living room, and I'm so excited about it! Now that we spend most of our time there, I really wanted better/nicer seating. It's our first grown up, non-Ikea big furniture purchase!
* Saturday night BBQ/hot tub party with close friends. Sara was quite content and looking adorable in one of her new sundresses. We brought a bedtime bottle for her, to experiment with putting her to sleep and then taking her home later, so that we could stay out past 9:30! It worked. Ian brought the car seat up to her crib and did a seamless transition at 1:00am... she didn't even wake up.
*Sunday morning smiles and cuddles with Sara followed by a morning nap.
* Ian and Sara had a great daddy/daughter afternoon while I went to a second bridal shower for Michelle. A fun 'adults' afternoon, I even wore heels!
*Last night Ian came home early enough that we could watch our first movie since Sara was born. Wow!

Yesterday my little one had her first round of immunizations. It was so hard to watch her get the needles and then immediately burst into tears. Thank goodness for Tempra! She came through like a champ and has had lots of extra cuddles. The doctor said Sara will likely be more sleepy, and she wasn't kidding... she's been sleeping a LOT since, including all night. No fever though, and I've enjoyed the extra time to sit outside with my book and start a new craft project -- a cloth book for Sara -- updates on that to come.

This morning we're going to the nearby park/lake before it gets too hot. I'm going to mix a bottle there as an experiment for our upcoming zoo trip on Friday, to see if she'll take it at room temperature. Fingers crossed!

baby bonding

Last night I experienced one of my favourite moments with Sara so far. I put her PJ's on at around 10pm after a good family photo shoot with our friend Mike, and with only 15-20 minutes to go before her bedtime bottle, I didn't want to move her off the mat in our living room so instead I lay down next to her. As Sara's vision develops, she has been really good at tracking things for a couple of weeks, and she's often able to reach out and touch things. I softly called her name and talked to her. She quickly turned her head to look at me, smiled, and touched my face with her little hand. It was such an amazing feeling of love and bonding, and even brought a tear or two to my eyes! We just lay there and looked at each other for a while, and when she slowly dozed off I just listened to her breathing. What a wonderful way to end the day. Much love to my sweet baby girl!

party girl

Sara wore this out on Saturday night, and it is very appropriate -- she doesn't like to miss a party! She was great at first but then got very overstimulated and fussy. She wouldn't go to sleep until we were in the car and away from all the action! Sometimes she'll still go to sleep anytime/anywhere, but for evening social events now we know to bring something for her to sleep in, in a quiet room. Going out with her will take some getting used to -- it's a lot more involved than just 'bringing the baby with you'. It requires planning, and, until I'm more comfortable with it, is very stressful if she's crying and won't settle. There are so many new things for her to adjust to as well now that she's no longer a sleepy newborn. We're going to take her to a baby-friendly cottage for a few days in July when she's just over 3 months old, hopefully she will enjoy it!

As for her musical taste, she hears a mix of nursery rhymes, Muppets and rock... and she was dancing in her bouncy chair to the Chili Peppers a couple of weeks ago... so we'll see where her taste lands!

2 months of motherhood

Sara will be 8 weeks old tomorrow, and the time has both flown and trickled by. There have been many joyous and challenging times over the past 8 weeks as we're adjusting to parenthood and this new little person who has become a part of our lives forever. All through pregnancy we heard, and I was trying to process, that parenthood "changes everything" and that "it's not easy." The thing is, until it happens, you really can't know what that all means. You can't know what it means to feel this much love for someone... to try and find yourself in the person you were and the parent you are now... to feel fierce protectiveness and wake from recurring dreams of someone trying to take your baby away... to feel so triumphant when your daughter lets out the big burp you've been working so hard to get... to not mind the diaper changes because it lets me kiss her feet and belly... to desperately wish that she came with an instruction manual, usually when you find yourself crying with her... and to accept that often you just need a break, and that doesn't make you a bad parent.

Over the past 8 weeks we've been on a constant learning curve that will probably never end. I'm slowly learning not to cling to things from my life pre-baby, like the luxury of knowing exactly what I'll be doing in an hour, or even in 5 minutes. Letting go of the expectation that I can just analyze and figure everything out is also completely against my nature, but oh-so necessary. There's a certain sense of serenity that comes with this, with just accepting the blind fumbling and small victories of each day. I also know without question that it does indeed 'take a village' -- I have said it many times already, I just don't know how single moms do it! I would be lost without Ian, our family, our friends, our doctor, even the random acquaintances or people in the grocery store from whom I've gained sudden insights or shared stories.

This dose of chaos is probably good for me, and certainly is worth it. We are so lucky. It is getting easier, and I've really, really been craving time to be creative and paint/craft again... but I'm sure that will come, even if it requires a babysitter! And, I'll probably appreciate it much more now than I did before, and there will be many projects for Sara. Right now, I look at her and I see this precious little baby who won't be little for very long. I look forward to her being older for some things, but some of my favourite moments are cuddling on the couch with her, feeling her little hands grip my fingers, and being on the receiving end of her big smiles in the morning from her crib -- smiles just for her mom.

growing girl

Sara has been having a growth spurt this week -- I was looking for it last week when she was 6 weeks old, and thought I may have missed the signs. This week, however, she has been draining her bottles and sleeping a lot more during the day. The sleep started first and she was fussing more, so I thought something was wrong, but now we know!

Fortunately the extra daytime sleep didn't mess up her nights too much... she has been really easy to put to bed after her 10:30 bottle, waking at 5 - 5:30 am. I just give her the pacifier and straighten out her blanket, figuring that taking her out of the crib will wake her more (I figure she'll need to keep the same diaper through the night anyway, unless I know it's dirty. She is totally slathered in vaseline!) She'll drift off pretty fast but some mornings the pacifier falls out and she starts fussing until it's back in, then goes to sleep again. Usually I can stretch her until her 7am feeding that way, but, last week she started at about 4:30am and I was in and out for the pacifier every 15-20 minutes... which means baby is sleeping, but mommy is not and daddy is already gone for work! She is trying extremely hard to suck her thumb when she wakes up, but isn't ready yet. Even when I put it in for her, she won't actually suck it. I want to try and break the habit of going in with the pacifier, but on the weekend when Ian is home to help. If I leave her to fuss too long she cries and is fully awake, and then no one is sleeping!